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You May Be Too Old To Gig If...

You need your glasses to see your amp settings.

You throw out your back jumping off the stage.

Instead of a fifth member, your band wants to spend the extra money on a roadie.

You worry less about where you place your amp onstage that where you place your electric fan.

You scream at the drummer to stop hitting those annoying cymbals.

You refuse to play out of tune.

Your gig clothes look like George Burns playing golf.

Your fans have all left by 10:30 p.m.

Each gig finds you warming up additional body parts.

Your favorite request from groupies is a foot massage.

The after-show party is held at the International House of Pancakes.

You love shopping the dollar store because you can sing along to most of your playlist.

You hire band members for their values instead of their talent.

You’ve lost the directions to a gig.

Prepping for the gig involves trimming chin and nose hair.

Most of that hair is gray.

You’re thrilled to get New Year’s Eve off.

The waitress is your daughter.

You stop the set because your bottle of Ibuprofen fell behind the speakers.

Most of your crowd just sways in their seats.

You find extra drink tokens from your last gig in your case.

You no longer use a tip jar.

You refuse to play without earplugs.

You ask the club owner if you can start at 8:30 p.m. instead of 9:30.

You want an opening act.

Before booking a gig, you check the TV Guide.

High notes make you cough.

Your gig stool has a back.

You’re related to at least one other band member.

You need a nap before the gig.

You don’t let anyone “sit in.”

After the third set, you beg the club owner to let you quit early.

During breaks, you go to your van to lie down.

You use a music stand with a light.

You don’t recover until Tuesday.

You can’t play without a set list.

You say you double on bass.

You discourage playing longer than contracted.

You have a contract.

You know all the words to “Aqualung.”

You actually get these jokes and send your friends this link!