You May Be From The South if
After living here for five years, you still hear, “You ain’t from ‘round here, are ya?”
If the forecast is for the slightest chance of even a small accumulation of snow, your head for the grocery store whether you need anything or not.
When you run your car into a ditch, you don’t panic. You know four men in a four-wheel drive pickup truck with a tow chain will be along shortly. Don’t help them; just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.
You aren’t surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store. (Don’t buy food at this store.)
You carry jumper cables in your car... for your own car.
You consider a cool snap (below 70 degrees) as good pinto-bean weather.
You consider the first day of deer season a holiday.
You don’t “push” buttons, you “mash” them.
You don’t call a carbonated soft drink a soda, cola or pop, but a coke, regardless of its brand or flavor.
You don’t have to wear a watch because it doesn’t matter what time it is.
You don’t need no stinking driver’s ed... if yo Mamma says you can drive, you can drive.
You have ever switched from heat to A/C in the same day.
You hear a Southerner exclaim, “Hey, y’all, watch this!” and you assume those will be his last words.
You install security lights on your house and garage but leave them unlocked.
You know “backards and forwards” means “I know everything about you.”
You know “fix” is a verb, as in “Ima fixin’ to go to the store.”
You know “Onced” and “Twiced” are words.
You know if it grows, it sticks; if it crawls, it bites.
You know it’s not a shopping cart; it is a buggy.
You know people who actually grow and eat okra.
You know possums sleep in the middle of the road with their feet in the air.
You know that “y’all” is singular, “all y’all” is plural, and “all y’all’s” is plural possessive.
You know that all state festivals are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, insect or animal.
You know that the North has green salads, while the South has collard greens.
You know that the North has ambulances, while the South has an am-a-lances.
You know that the North has coffee houses, while the South has Waffle Houses.
You know that the North has crawdads, while the South has crawfish.
You know that the North has Cream of Wheat, while the South has grits.
You know that the North has dating services, while the South has family reunions.
You know that the North has double last names, while the South has double first names.
You know that the North has oil wells, while the South has all wells.
You know that the North has sun-dried “toe-mah-toes” while the South has “’mater samiches.”
You know that the North has switchblade knives, while the South has Lee Press-on Nails.
You know that the North has Ted Kennedy, while the South has Edwin Edwards.
You know the other white meat is fried catfish.
You know there are 10,000 known types of spiders in the South, plus some no one has ever seen before.
You know there are 5,000 types of snakes on Earth and 4,998 live in the South.
You know there are four seasons: Almost Summer, Summer, still Summer and Christmas.
You know there are only four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup and Tabasco.
You know there is no such thing as lunch. There is dinner and then there is supper.
You know what a “DAWG” is.
You measure distance in minutes.
You never get in the way of an older car that needs extensive bodywork. (No insurance!)
You own a gun passed down through the family and are a good shot.
You think “Fixin’to” is one word.
You think “He needed killin’!” is a valid legal defense.
You consider100°F is “a little warm.”
You think a right-lane construction closure is just a game to see how many people can cut in line by passing you on the right as you sit in the left lane waiting for the same drivers to squeeze their way back in before hitting the orange construction barrels.
You think crossing two or more lanes in a single lane-change is considered “going with the flow.”
You think iced tea is appropriate for all meals and started drinking it when you were two. And you won’t consider drinking it without sugar.
You think turn signals will give away your next move.
You use a Wal-Mart sack for an overnight bag.
You use common measurements are pone, peck, and sackful.
You work until you’re done or it’s too dark to see.
Your favorite past time is called “goin’ Wal-Martin” or “off to Wally World.”
Your local papers cover national and international news on one page, but local gossip and sports take six.
You’re not surprised that not only do 10-year-olds own their own shotguns, they are proficient marksmen, and their mammas taught them how to aim!
You actually get these jokes and send your friends this link!