Back to Al's Text Humor Page

You May Be an
Internet Addict if…

A friend calls and says, "How are you? Your phones have been busy-for a year!"

All your friends have an @ in their names.

Although you don't know what they look like, you become insanely jealous of people hitting on your cyberlove.

As your car crashes through the guardrail on a mountain road, your first instinct is to hit the "back" button.

At the mall, you see someone of the opposite sex that you'd like to meet and your first thought is to IM her.

At work, the boss constantly reminds you that the word i should be capitalized.

Tech support calls you for help.

The last girl you picked up was a GIF.

The only way you'll leave your computer by with the Jaws-of-Life.

Three words: Carpal Tunnel Syndrome.

When everyone else goes to bed, you sneak in to your computer.

When looking at a web page full of someone else's links, you notice all of them are already highlighted in purple.

When someone asks, "What did you say?" you reply, "Scroll up!"

When you have sex, you no longer are concerned about sexually transmitted diseases.

You ask a plumber how much it would cost to replace the chair in front of your computer with a toilet.

You ask people you are attracted to "in real life" for their GIF.

You beg your friends to get an account so "we can hang out."

You buy a Captain Kirk chair with a built-in keyboard and mouse.

You buy a laptop and a cell phone so you can have AOL in your car.

You can't call your mother because she doesn't have a modem.

You can't remember how to work the TV remote control.

You change your dogs name from Bowser to Browser.

You check your mail. It says "no new messages." So you check it again.

You consider being called a "newbie" a major insult.

You don't even know what your cyberlove looks like.

You don't have a bookmark list, you have a database.

You don't know the sex of three of your closest friends, because they have neutral nicknames and you never bothered to ask.

You end your sentences with more than three periods.......

You enter a room and 25 people send you {{{hugs}}} and **kisses**.

You experience "withdrawal" after not being online for six hours.

You fall asleep, but instead of dreams, you get IMs.

You find yourself cocking your head 90 degrees to the right when you smile.

You find yourself lying to others about your time on-line and when they complain that your phone was busy, you claim it was off the hook.

You find yourself sleepwalking to your computer at night.

You get a tattoo that says, "Best viewed with Netscape 3.0 or higher."

You go online in the morning before you go for coffee.

You go to personal web sites just to see their links page.

You have a curly "e" logo tattooed on your forearm.

You have a second phone line installed so you can call out for pizza.

You have an identity crisis when someone uses a screen name close to your own.

You have two telephone lines but no telephone.

You keep more than four browser windows open at the same time.

You know more about your AOL friends' daily routines than you do about your spouse's.

You log off and the message begins with, "You were on for 3 days, 15 hours…"

You look at an annoying person off-line and wish that you had an "Ignore" button.

You meet the mailman at the curb and swear he said, "You've Got Mail."

You never have to deal with busy signals when calling your ISP because you never log off.

You programmed your own search engine.

You purchase a vanity car license plate with your screen name on it.

You put an @ in front of your home address, @227 Ridge Road.

You refer to going to the bathroom as downloading.

You run a red light on the way to work and start looking for the "Back" button.

You say "he he he he" or "heh heh heh" instead of laughing.

You see an underlined sentences in the newspaper and have the urge to double-click it.

You see something funny and scream, "LOL, LOL."

You sit on AOL for four hours waiting for that certain special someone to log on.

You start introducing yourself as "Jim at net dot com"

You start leaving reminder notes on your refrigerator in HTML.

You start making web sites for all of your friends just to get to know them better.

You step out of your room and realize that your parents have moved and you don't have a clue as to when it happened.

You talk on the phone with the same person you are ICQing.

You tell the kids they can't use the computer because "Daddy's got work to do"-even though you no longer have a job.

You think faster than your computer.

You turn off your modem and get this awful empty feeling, like you just pulled the plug on a loved one.

You turn on your intercom when leaving the room so you can hear if new e-mail arrives.

You type in random URLs just see where you end up.

You wake up at 3 AM to go to the bathroom and stop to check your e-mail on the way.

You watch TV with closed captioning turned on.

You wonder why signs are always "YELLING."

You write your homework in HTML and give your instructor the URL.

You're in a room with more than 23 people, and you inform management there is an error.

You're on the phone and say BRB.

You've called out someone's screen name while making love to your significant other.

You've hung out in an unstaffed AOL room to give tech support.

Your answering machine message is "BRB. Leave your S/N and I'll TTYL ASAP."

Your bookmarks list takes 15 minutes to scroll.

Your boss recommends a drug test for your bloodshot eyes.

Your dog has its own home page.

Your driver's license says, "best viewed with IE 4.0 or above."

Your goldfish has its own web site.

Your heart races each time you see a new WWW site address on TV.

Your husband tells you that he has had the beard for two months.

Your kids eat cereal, morning, noon, and night.

Your nightmares are in HTML and GIFS.

Your phone bill is a heavy as a brick.

Your spouse complains that you move your fingers in your sleep instead of talk.

Your wife drapes a blond wig over your monitor to remind you of what she looks like.

Your wife makes a new rule: "The computer cannot come to bed."

Your wife says communication is important in a marriage... so you buy another computer and install a second phone line so the two of you can chat.

"Where did the time go?"