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Why I Love Retirement

How many days in a week?

6 Saturdays, 1 Sunday

When is a retiree’s bedtime?

Three hours after he falls asleep on the couch.

How many retirees does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but it might take all day.

What’s the biggest gripe of retirees?

Not enough time to get everything done.

Why don’t retirees mind being called “senior citizens?”

The term comes with a discount.

What is considered formal attire among retirees?

Shoes with laces.

Why do retirees count pennies?

They have the time.

What is the common term for someone who enjoys work and refuses to retire?


Why are retirees so slow to clean out the basement, attic or garage?

As soon as they do, one of their kids will want to store stuff there.

What do retirees call a long lunch?


What is the best way to describe retirement?

The neverending coffee break.

What’s the biggest advantage of going back to school as a retiree?

If you cut classes, no one calls your parents.

Why does a retiree often say he doesn’t miss work, but misses the people he used to work with?

He is too polite to tell the whole truth.

What do you do all week?

Monday to Friday, nothing; Saturdays and Sundays, I rest!

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From You've Got Laughs! Al Lowe's Book of Internet Humor
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© 1998 - 2010 by Al Lowe • All Rights Reserved • Updated June 10, 2011