What Doctors Say |
What Doctors Mean |
This should be taken care of right away. |
I’d planned a trip to Hawaii next month,
but this is so easy and profitable that I want to fix it before
it curses itself. |
Welllllll, what have we here... |
Since I haven’t the foggiest notion
of what it is, I hope you can give
me a clue. |
We’ll see. |
First, I have to check my malpractice insurance. |
Let me check your medical history. |
I want to see if you’ve paid your last
bill before spending any more time with you. |
Why don’t we make another appointment
later in the week. |
I’m playing golf this afternoon and
this can wait. |
Why don’t we make another appointment
later in the week. |
I need the money so I’ll charge you
for another office visit. |
I really can’t recommend seeing a
chiropractor. |
I hate those guys mooching in on our fees. |
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. |
Since I haven’t the faintest idea of
what to do, I should at least appear
thoughtful while hoping my nurse will interrupt.
(Proctologists also say this a lot.) |
We have some good news and some bad news. |
The good news is I get to buy that
new BMW. The bad news is you get to pay for it. |
Let’s see how it develops. |
Maybe in a few days it will grow into something
that can be cured. |
Let me schedule you for some tests. |
I have a 40% interest in the lab. |
I’d like to have my associate look
at you. |
He’s going through a messy divorce and
owes me a small fortune. |
How are we today? |
I feel great. You, on the other hand, look
like hell. |
I’d like to prescribe a new drug. |
I’m writing a paper and would like to
use you as a guinea pig. |
If it doesn’t clear up in a week,
give me a call. |
I don’t know what the hell this is.
Maybe it will go away by itself. |
That’s quite a nasty looking wound. |
I think I’m going to throw up. |
Just a little further. |
Proctologists like to see if you’ll
pass out before they get to their elbow. |
This may smart a little. |
Last week two patients bit through their tongues. |
Well, we’re not feeling so well today,
are we? |
I can’t remember your name, nor why
you are here. |
This should fix you up. |
The drug salesman guaranteed it will kill
all symptoms. |
Everything seems to be normal. |
I guess I can’t buy that new beach condo
after all. |
I’d like to run some more tests. |
I can’t figure out what’s wrong.
Maybe the kid in the lab can solve this one. |
Do you suppose all of this stress could be
affecting your nerves? |
You are crazy. Maybe I can find a psychiatrist
who will split fees. |
Why don’t you slip out of your things. |
My fingers are cold. |
Why don’t you slip out of your things. |
I haven’t had a good laugh all day. |
If those symptoms persist, call for an appointment. |
I’ve never heard of anything so disgusting.
Thank God I’m off next week. |
There is a lot of that going around. |
Maybe I should learn something about
this! |