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What Doctors Say versus What Doctors Mean

What Doctors Say

What Doctors Mean

This should be taken care of right away.

I’d planned a trip to Hawaii next month, but this is so easy and profitable that I want to fix it before it curses itself.

Welllllll, what have we here...

Since I haven’t the foggiest notion of what it is, I hope you can give me a clue.

We’ll see.

First, I have to check my malpractice insurance.

Let me check your medical history.

I want to see if you’ve paid your last bill before spending any more time with you.

Why don’t we make another appointment later in the week.

I’m playing golf this afternoon and this can wait.

Why don’t we make another appointment later in the week.

I need the money so I’ll charge you for another office visit.

I really can’t recommend seeing a chiropractor.

I hate those guys mooching in on our fees.


Since I haven’t the faintest idea of what to do, I should at least appear thoughtful while hoping my nurse will interrupt. (Proctologists also say this a lot.)

We have some good news and some bad news.

The good news is I get to buy that new BMW. The bad news is you get to pay for it.

Let’s see how it develops.

Maybe in a few days it will grow into something that can be cured.

Let me schedule you for some tests.

I have a 40% interest in the lab.

I’d like to have my associate look at you.

He’s going through a messy divorce and owes me a small fortune.

How are we today?

I feel great. You, on the other hand, look like hell.

I’d like to prescribe a new drug.

I’m writing a paper and would like to use you as a guinea pig.

If it doesn’t clear up in a week, give me a call.

I don’t know what the hell this is. Maybe it will go away by itself.

That’s quite a nasty looking wound.

I think I’m going to throw up.

Just a little further.

Proctologists like to see if you’ll pass out before they get to their elbow.

This may smart a little.

Last week two patients bit through their tongues.

Well, we’re not feeling so well today, are we?

I can’t remember your name, nor why you are here.

This should fix you up.

The drug salesman guaranteed it will kill all symptoms.

Everything seems to be normal.

I guess I can’t buy that new beach condo after all.

I’d like to run some more tests.

I can’t figure out what’s wrong. Maybe the kid in the lab can solve this one.

Do you suppose all of this stress could be affecting your nerves?

You are crazy. Maybe I can find a psychiatrist who will split fees.

Why don’t you slip out of your things.

My fingers are cold.

Why don’t you slip out of your things.

I haven’t had a good laugh all day.

If those symptoms persist, call for an appointment.

I’ve never heard of anything so disgusting. Thank God I’m off next week.

There is a lot of that going around.

Maybe I should learn something about this!