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Things You Don't Want To Hear During Surgery

“Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy.”

“Someone call the janitor and tell him to bring a mop.”

“Wait a minute. If this is his spleen, what's that?”

“Hand me that... uh... that uh... thingie.”

“Oops! Hey, has anyone ever survived 500ml of this stuff before?”

“Rats, there go the lights again...”

“Ya know, there's big money in kidneys. Heck, the guy's got two of 'em.”

“Stand back! I lost a contact.”

“Could you stop that thing from beeping? It's throwing off my concentration!”

“What's this doing here?”

“That's cool! Now can you make his leg twitch?!”

“I should have brought my glasses.”

“Well, folks, this will be an experiment for all of us.”

“Sterile, shcmeril. The floor's pretty clean, right?”

“Anyone see where I left that scalpel?”

“Okay, now take a picture from this angle. This is truly a freak of nature.”

“Nurse, did this patient sign the organ donation card?”

“Don't worry. I think it's sharp enough.”

“She's gonna blow! Everyone take cover!”

“Rats! Page 47 of the manual is missing!”

“FIRE! FIRE! Everybody out!”

“Max! MAX! Come back with that! Bad Dog!”

“Oh, no! Anybody seen my Rolex?”

“I hate it when there's stuff missing.”

“What do you mean he wasn't in for a sex change?!”

“And now, I'll remove the subject's brain and place it in the body of the ape.”

“This patient has already had kids, right?”

“What do you mean you want a divorce?!”

“"Accept this sacrifice, O Great Lord of Darkness!"”


“Let me ask your opinion, nurse...”

“I thought we started with four clamps?”

“Has anyone ever seen one of these?”

“What do you mean, it's upside down?”

“Oh, man! I think I'm gonna be sick.”

“This is what happens when cousins marry.”

“You think we can sew it back on?”

“Put on Dr. Kevorkian's new CD.”

“Is that supposed to be yellow?”

“I learned that when I studied to be a vet.”

“Not bad for someone who failed med school.”

“What does the AMA know? I still think I can do it.”

“Whoa. Maybe I shouldn't have gotten so drunk last night.”

“Does Tab A go into Slot C or Slot F?”

“They never let us practice on real people in med school.”

“That proves aliens have taken over our bodies.”

“He looks like my ex-wife's attorney. The one who got her the house, the car, the money... he even got her!”

“Don't worry, he'll never know. He's out!”

“Okay, make a wish and pull.”

“So that's what a girl looks like!”

“Back in a minute. Gotta put more money in the meter.”

“What he doesn't know won't hurt us.”

“Uh, ya want fries with that?”

“Who ordered the pepperoni?”

“Tilt that TV this way. I can't see the game.”

“Poor guy. Maybe we should give him a sex change.”

“The voices in my head keep telling me not to do this.”

“I think my Alzheimers is getting... uh...”

“Oh, yeah? If you think you're so good, you do it!”

“How come this patient has both sex organs?”