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Things You Can Say About Your Computer Games But Not About Your Spouse

Compiled by Matt Barkoot

"Over 100 people at once? That's Nolan Bushnell for ya..."

"I think I finally figured out how to kill that witch!"

"She thinks she is a princess but she has no idea her mother is a troll."

"She wasn't comfortable until we found two other people to join us."

"I got mine in the mail but you could easily find one at Toys R Us."

"All that hardware is wasted on a boring guy like Ted!"

"I saw my wife was spending time with Larry; I didn't want to bother her, so I went back to sleep."

"If you use that device over there, you can score."

"As soon as the guy walked into the room, I started shooting."

"You should have gotten the deluxe model! You can't ride that!"

"Sure, it's a little thing, but it's loud enough to wake the neighbors!"

"My parents' bedroom is right next door and they always complain about the noise!"

"I'm tired of finishing second; just for a change, let me finish first!"

"We've played Indiana Jones long enough, this time, let's play Star Wars and you be Luke Skywalker!"

"Once I find the whip, we can really have some fun!"

"There's my old ball and chain, under the table!"

"That battle ax is the best friend a guy could have."

"My first one was when I was five, but that was a long ago and there have been hundreds since!"

"Grab it gently. You don't want to be forceful or you're in trouble, just push it forward carefully and let your wrist do the work."

"I had to leave, so I let some kid take over."

"My brother and I spent all night on that one!"

"I was astonished! Mom likes it more than I do!"

"I had the darndest time getting her to play my magic flute!"

"Before you finish, don't forget to grab the package. Otherwise, you will have to start over."

"I don't really care if I pick a man or a woman, just as long as they have a great left hook!"

"My aim is a little off, but I get the job done!"

"This one is Al Lowe's favorite, so of course I had to try it for myself!"

"I'm gonna stop; my thumb's tired!"

"My kid and I like the same one."

"Sure, I paid three thousand dollars, but man, what performance!"

"Me? Personally, I like to look for the old ones on eBay!"

"If I hadn't gotten a couple of hints off the Internet, I'd still be stuck on that one!"

"Thank god they come with a manual!"

"If I hurry, I've got time for four or five during lunch!"

"My co-workers would rather just watch me."

"I only talk to them if I am drunk."

"I lent mine to my cousin and his sister."

"Only kids will enjoy that one!"

"I hate Army Men!"

"I think the Japanese ones are a nice change of pace."

"Hmm... should I go with Army, Navy, or do I feel like a Marine, today?"

"I would rather buy one legitimately than get mine illegally!"

"They are so small, you can barely see them!"

"Lara, you really need to update your look!"

"This one needed another month to develop."

"This one has multiple slots! I can't wait to start experimenting!"

"Sometimes I get the feeling that I really am in control."

"He gets a lot done for a guy with no arms or legs!"

"It's really no fun unless you have a mouse."

"Today I want to be the girl!"

"Mine needs to warm up for two hours before I can start, but my friend has to turn his on its side."

"I spent all last night with a girl from Europe; I hope she's in the lobby today. I owe her one."

"I prefer this one with the lights off."

"Living in California, I keep mine hooked up to a generator!"

"That's all for now. I have to pee."

"Short but sweet and a helluva ride while it lasts!"

"I saw this one on TV; it looked like a nice way to waste time."

"Okay, another five minutes... and then I go to sleep!"

"I've finally freed the hostages; now I just have to kill the boss."

"There were times when I was ready to throw the damn thing out the window!"

"Why is it that I always do my best stuff when you're out of the room?!"

"Shoot! This is just too hard for a girl!"

"My roommate burns them all the time and sees nothing wrong with it. I'm thinking of turning him in."

"Can you believe I only paid 5 bucks for this!?"

"I can't beat you, so I am gonna cheat on you!"

"If I can do this two more times, I'll make the top ten list."

"I'm finished with this one, so I'm gonna trade it in for a new one."

"Damn! Fifty bucks and I finish in 15 minutes!"

"It's even more fun doing it online with someone you don't know!