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Texan’s Guide to Life

Never squat with your spurs on.

Good judgment comes from experience. A lot of experience comes from bad judgment.

Lettin' the cat out of the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin’ it back in.

If you’re ridin’ ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it’s still there.

If you think you’re a person of influence, try orderin’ somebody else’s dog around.

After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him...The moral: when you’re full of bull, keep your mouth shut.

Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.

There are two theories to arguin’ with a woman. Neither works.

If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin’.

Never slap a man who’s chewin’ tobacco.

It don’t take a genius to spot a goat in a flock of sheep.

Always drink upstream from the herd.

When you give a lesson in meanness to a critter or a person, don’t be surprised when they learn their lesson.

The quickest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it back in your pocket.

Never miss a good chance to shut up.

There are three kinds of men: those that learn by reading, a few who learn by observation , and the rest who have to pee on the electric fence for themselves.

From You've Got Laughs! Al Lowe's Book of Internet Humor
coming soon from www.allowe.com