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The "Real Man" Quiz

Note: Although all "real men" know the correct answer to each of these questions is "C," this quiz may also benefit women. By reviewing these questions, they may finally understand men, thus enriching their own lives!

1. Alien beings from a highly advanced society visit the Earth. You are the first human they encounter. As a token of intergalactic friendship, they present you with a small but incredibly sophisticated device capable of curing all diseases, providing an infinite supply of clean energy, wiping out hunger and poverty, and permanently eliminating oppression and violence everywhere on Earth. You decide to:

A. Present it to the President of the United States.
B. Present it to the Secretary General of the United Nations.
C. Take it apart.

2. As you grow older, what lost quality of your youthful life do you miss the most?

A. Innocence.
B. Idealism.
C. Cherry bombs.

3. When is it okay to kiss another male?

A. When you wish to display simple and pure affection without regard for narrow-minded social conventions.
B. When he is the Pope. (Not on the lips.)
C. When he's your brother and you're Al Pacino and it's the only fair way to tell him that, for purely business reasons, you're gonna have him whacked.

4. In your opinion, the ideal pet is:

A. A cat.
B. A dog.
C. A dog that eats cats.

5. You have been seeing a woman for several years. She's attractive, intelligent and you always enjoy being with her. One leisurely Sunday afternoon the two of you are relaxing; you're watching a football game, she's reading the papers. Suddenly, out of the blue, she tells you that she loves you and can no longer bear the uncertainty of not knowing where your relationship is heading. She says she's not asking whether you want to get married; only whether you believe that the two of you have a future together. What is your response?

A. "I sincerely believe that the two of us do have a future, but I don't want to rush things.
B. "Although I have strong feelings for you, too, I can't honestly say when I'll be ready to make a lasting commitment and I don't want to hurt you by holding out false hope."
C. "I can't believe the Broncos ran a draw play on third and seventeen!"

6. You've decided that you truly love her and you want to spend the rest of your life with her, sharing whatever joys and sorrows the world offers, come what may. How do you tell her?

A. You take her to a nice restaurant and tell her after dinner.
B. You take her for a walk on a moonlit beach, stop, say her name, and, when she turns to you with the sea breeze blowing through her hair and the stars in her eyes, you tell her.
C. Tell her what?

7. One weekday morning your wife wakes up feeling ill and asks you to get your three children ready for school. Your first question is:

A. "Do they need to eat or anything?"
B. "They're in school already?"
C. "There are three of them?"

8. When is it okay to throw away a set of veteran underwear?

A. When it's turned the color of a dead whale and developed new holes so large that you're not sure which ones were originally intended for your legs.
B. When it's down to eight loosely connected underwear molecules and must be handled with tweezers.
C. It is never okay to throw away veteran underwear. Real guys check the garbage regularly in case somebody (we're not naming names but this would be "the wife") is quietly trying to discard his underwear.

9. What, in your opinion, is the most reasonable explanation for the fact that Moses led the Israelites all over the place for forty years before they finally got to the Promised Land?

A. He was being tested.
B. He wanted them to really appreciate the Promised Land when they finally got there.
C. He refused to ask for directions.

10. What is the human race's single greatest achievement?

A. Democracy.
B. Religion.
C. The remote control.