Abbott
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Ultimate Super Duper Computer Store. May I help
you?
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Costello
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Thanks. I'm setting up a home office in the den
and I'm thinking of buying a computer.
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Abbott
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Mac?
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Costello
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No, the name is Lou.
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Abbott
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Your computer?
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Costello
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I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.
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Abbott
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Mac?
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Costello
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I told you, my name is Lou.
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Abbott
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What about Windows?
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Costello
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Why? Does it get stuffy?
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Abbott
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Do you want a computer with Windows?
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Costello
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I don't know. What do I see when I look out the
windows?
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Abbott
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Wallpaper.
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Costello
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Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.
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Abbott
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Software that runs on Windows?
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Costello
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No, on the computer! I need something I can use
to write proposals, track expenses. You know,
run a business. What have you got?
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Abbott
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Office.
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Costello
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Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?
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Abbott
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I just did.
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Costello
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You just did what?
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Abbott
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Recommended something.
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Costello
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You recommended something?
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Abbott
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Yes.
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Costello
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For my office?
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Abbott
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Yes.
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Costello
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Okay, what did you recommend for my office?
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Abbott
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Office.
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Costello
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Yes, for my office.
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Abbott
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Office for Windows.
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Costello
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I already have an office and it already has windows!
Let's say I'm sitting at my computer, and I want
to type a proposal. What do I need?
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Abbott
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Word.
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Costello
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If I'm writing a proposal, I'm going to need lots
of words. But what program do I load?
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Abbott
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Word.
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Costello
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What word?
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Abbott
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The Word in Office.
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Costello
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The only word in office is office.
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Abbott
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The Word in Office for Windows.
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Costello
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Which word in "office for windows?"
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Abbott
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The Word you get when you click the blue W.
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Costello
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I'm going to click your big W if you don't give
me a straight answer. Let's forget about words
for a minute. What do I need if I want to watch
a movie over the Internet?
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Abbott
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RealOne.
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Costello
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Maybe a real movie, maybe a cartoon. What I watch
is none of your business. But what do I need to
watch it?
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Abbott
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RealOne.
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Costello
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If it's a long movie I'll also want to watch reels
two, three and four. Can I watch reel four?
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Abbott
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Of course.
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Costello
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Great! With what?
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Abbott
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RealOne.
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Costello
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Okay, so I'm sitting at my computer and I want
to watch a movie. What do I do?
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Abbott
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You click the blue 1.
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Costello
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I click the blue one what?
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Abbott
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The blue 1.
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Costello
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Is that different from the blue W?
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Abbott
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Of course it is. The blue 1 is RealOne. The blue
W is Word.
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Costello
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What word?
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Abbott
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The Word in Office for Windows.
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Costello
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But there's three words in "office for windows!"
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Abbott
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No, just one. But it's the most popular Word in
the world.
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Costello
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It is?
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Abbott
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Yes, although to be fair there aren't many other
Words left. It pretty much wiped out all the other
Words.
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Costello
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And that word is the real one?
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Abbott
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No. RealOne has nothing to do with Word. RealOne
isn't even part of Office.
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Costello
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Never mind; I don't want to get started with that
again. But I also need something for bank accounts,
loans, and so on. What do you have to help me
track my money?
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Abbott
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Money.
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Costello
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That's right. What do you have?
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Abbott
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Money.
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Costello
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I need money to track my money?
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Abbott
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No, not really. It comes bundled with your computer.
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Costello
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What comes bundled with my computer?
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Abbott
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Money.
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Costello
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Money comes bundled with my computer?
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Abbott
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Exactly. No extra charge.
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Costello
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I get a bundle of money with my computer at no
extra charge? How much money do I get?
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Abbott
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Just one copy.
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Costello
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I get a copy of money. Isn't that illegal?
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Abbott
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No. We have a license from Microsoft to make copies
of Money.
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Costello
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Microsoft can license you to make money?
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Abbott
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Why not? They own it.
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Costello
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Well, it's great that I'm going to get free money,
but I'll still need to track it. Do you have anything
for managing your money?
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Abbott
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Managing Your Money? That program disappeared years
ago.
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Costello
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Well, what do you sell in its place?
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Abbott
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Money.
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Costello
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You sell money?
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Abbott
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Of course. But if you buy a computer from us, you
get it for free.
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Costello
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That's all very wonderful, but I'll be running
a business. Do you have any software for, you
know, accounting?
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Abbott
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Simply Accounting.
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Costello
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Probably, but it might get a little complicated.
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Abbott
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If you don't want Simply Accounting, you might
try M.Y.O.B.
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Costello
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M.Y.O.B.? What does that stand for?
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Abbott
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Mind Your Own Business.
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Costello
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I beg your pardon?
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Abbott
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No, that would be I.B.Y.P. I said M.Y.O.B.
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Costello
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Look, I just need to do some accounting for my
home business. You know—Accounting? You do it
with money.
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Abbott
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Of course you can do accounting with Money. But
you may need more.
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Costello
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More money?
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Abbott
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More than Money. Money can't do everything.
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Costello
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I don't need a sermon! Okay, let's forget about
money for the moment. I'm worried that my computer
might...what's the word? Crash. And if my computer
crashes, what can I use to restore my data?
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Abbott
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GoBack.
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Costello
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Okay. I'm worried about my computer smashing and
I need something to restore my data. What do you
recommend?
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Abbott
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GoBack.
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Costello
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How many times do I have to repeat myself?
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Abbott
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I've never asked you to repeat yourself. All I
said was GoBack.
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Costello
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How can I go back if I haven't even been anywhere?
Okay, I'll go back. What do I need to write a
proposal?
|
Abbott
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Word.
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Costello
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But I'll need lots of words to write a proposal.
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Abbott
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No, you only need one Word-the Word in Office for
Windows.
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Costello
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But there's three words in... Oh, never mind!
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Abbott
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Hello? Hello? Customers! Why do they always hang
up on me? Oh, well. Ultimate Super Duper Computer
Store. May I help you?
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