Fine
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This
is the word women use at the end of any argument
when they feel they are right but can't stand to
hear you argue any longer. It means that you should
shut up. (Never use "Fine" to describe
how she looks. This will start one of those arguments.)
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Five
minutes
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Roughly
half an hour. Equivalent to the same five minutes
that your football game is going to last before
you take out the trash, so women feel that it's
an even trade.
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Nothing
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"Nothing"
means something and you should be on your toes.
"Nothing" is usually used to describe
the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside
out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing"
usually signifies an argument that will last "Five
Minutes" and end with the word "Fine."
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Go
ahead
(raised eyebrows)
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This
is not permission; it's a dare! If you mistake
it for permission, the result will be the woman
will get upset over "Nothing" and you'll
have a "Five minute" discussion that will
end with the word "Fine."
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Go
ahead
(normal eyebrows)
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This
is not permission either. It means, "I
give up!" or "Do what you want because
I don't care." It is followed in a few minutes
by a raised eyebrow "Go Ahead," followed
by "Nothing" and "Fine." She
will talk to you for about "Five Minutes"
once she cools off.
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Loud
sigh
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This
is not actually a word, but is still a communication.
Frequently misunderstood by men. "Loud sigh"
means you are a complete idiot and she wonders why
she is wasting her time standing here arguing with
you! Over "Nothing."
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Soft
sigh
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Again,
not a word but a statement. "Soft sighs"
are one of the few things that some men actually
understand. It means she is momentarily content.
Your best bet is to not move or breathe but just
hope that this will last a bit longer.
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Oh
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This
word, followed by any statement, is trouble. "Oh,
let me get that." Or, "Oh, I talked to
him about what you were doing last night."
If she says "Oh" before a statement, run,
do not walk, to the nearest exit. She will tell
you that she is "Fine" when she is done
tossing your clothes out the window, but do not
expect her to talk to you for at least two days.
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That's
okay
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This
is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman
can say to a man. "That's Okay" means
that she wants to think long and hard before deciding
what the penalty will be for whatever dumb thing
you have done. Often used in combinations with the
word "Fine" or the raised eyebrow "Go
ahead." Once she's had time to plan it out
your fate, you're in for big trouble.
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Please
do
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This
is not a statement, it's an offer. She's giving
you a chance to come up with some excuse for the
latest dumb thing you've done, i.e., a chance to
get yourself into even more trouble. Handle this
correctly and you won't get a "That's okay."
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Thanks
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The
woman is thanking you. Don't faint. Don't look for
hidden meaning. Just say, "You're welcome."
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Thanks
a lot
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Dramatically
different from "Thanks." "Thanks
A Lot" means she's really ticked. It is often
followed by "Loud Sigh," signifying that
you have hurt her in some callous way. No need to
ask what's wrong. She'll only tell you "Nothing."
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