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Techniques of Driving


One hand on wheel, one hand on horn

New York

One hand on wheel, one finger out window

New Jersey

One hand on wheel, one finger out window, cutting across all lanes of traffic


One hand on wheel, one hand on newspaper, foot solidly on accelerator

Los Angeles

One hand on wheel, one hand on nonfat double decaf cappuccino, cradling cell phone, brick on accelerator, gun in lap


Both hands in air, gesturing, both feet on accelerator, head turned to talk to someone in back seat


One hand on 12 oz., double-shot latte, one knee on wheel, cradling cell phone, foot on brake, mind on radio game, banging head on steering wheel while stuck in traffic


One hand on wheel, one hand on hunting rifle, alternating between both feet being on the accelerator and both feet on brake, throwing McDonald’s bag out the window

Southern male

One hand on wheel, one hand hanging out the window, speed steady at 70 mph, driving down the center of the road unless going around a blind curve, in which case they are on the wrong side of the road

Southern female

One hand constantly adjusting rear-view mirror to show different angles of big hair, other hand going between mousse, brush, and rat-tail to keep the helmet hair going, both feet on the accelerator, poodle steering the car, chrome .38 revolver with mother of pearl inlaid handle in the glove compartment


Four-wheel drive pickup truck, shotgun mounted in rear window, beer cans on floor, squirrel tails attached to antenna


Both hands on steering wheel in a relaxed posture, eyes constantly checking the rear-view mirror to watch for visible emissions from their own or another’s car

New Mexico

Two hands on the wheel, driving forty-five in a seventy mph zone in the left lane, with the left turn signal on, and making a right turn


Two hands gripping wheel, blue hair barely visible through windshield, driving 35 in the left lane of the Interstate with the left blinker on


One hand on the wheel, the other on his sister

Driving In California

Both hands on wheel, eyes shut, both feet on brake, quivering in terror