Luke: “You fought in the clone wars?”

Luke: “You were in a fraternity?”

Ben: “I was once a Jedi Knight …the same as your father.”

Ben: “Once I was a Frat Guy …the same as your father.”

Luke: “My father didn’t fight in the wars. He was a navigator on a space freighter.”

Luke: “My father didn’t belong to a frat. He was an RA in the dorms.”

Ben: “That’s what your uncle told you. He didn’t hold with your father’s ideals. He thought he should stay home. Not gotten involved.”

Ben: “That’s what your mother told you. She didn’t hold with your father’s ideals. She thought he should stay home, not drink until four in the morning and then piss on things.”

Luke: “I wish I had known him.”

Luke: “I wish I had known him when he could drink.”

Ben: “He was a cunning warrior, and the best star pilot in the galaxy. I understand you’ve become quite a good pilot yourself. And he was a good friend. For over a thousand years, the Jedi Knight protected the galaxy. Before the dark times. Before the Empire.”

Ben: “He was a cunning partier and the best boozehound in the house. I understand you’ve become quite the boozehound yourself. And he was a good bro. For years he got so curbed he could hardly function. Before the dark times. Before the skirt.”

Luke: “How did my father die?”

Luke: “How did my father become a lameass?”

Ben: “A young Jedi Knight named Darth Vader, who was a pupil of mine until he turned to evil, helped the Emperor hunt down and destroy the Jedi Knights. He betrayed and murdered your father. Vader was seduced by the Dark Side of the Force.”

Ben: “A young chick, namely your mother, who was pretty cool herself until she turned to evil, helped other women hunt down and destroy the coolness in men. She civilized and murdered the bro who was once your father. Your mother was pissed off by the dark side of Beer.”

Luke: “The Force?”

Luke: “Beer?”

Ben: “Yes, the Force is what gives a Jedi Knight his power. It’s an energy field created by all living things. It surrounds us, penetrates us, binds the galaxy together. Which reminds me, your father wanted you to have this when you were old enough, but your Uncle wouldn’t allow. He thought you’d follow Obi-Wan on some idealistic crusade.”

Ben: [smiles] “Yes, beer gives a frat guy his power. It’s a beverage created by living things like hops and barley. It intoxicates us, gives us beer goggles, and lets us yell stuff like 'penis' in bars everywhere. Which reminds me, your father wanted you to have this when you were old enough, but your mother wouldn’t allow it. She thought you’d follow some frat brother on some binge drinking crusade.”

Luke: “What is it?”

Luke: “What is it?”

Ben: “It a light saber. The weapon of a Jedi Knight. Not as random or clumsy as a blaster. An elegant weapon for a more civilized age.”

Ben: “Your father’s beer bong. The weapon of a Frat Guy. Not as random or clumsy as a shot glass. An elegant weapon for a less civilized age...”