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Slogans of the T.S.A.

If we did our job any better, we’d have to buy you dinner first.

Grope discounts available.

Only we know if Lady Gaga is really a lady.

Don’t worry, my hands are still warm from the last guy.

Throw a few back at the airport Chili’s and you won’t even notice.

Wanna fly? Unzip yours!

We’ve handled more balls than the NBA!

Can’t see London, can’t see France, until we see your underpants.

We are now free to move about your pants.

You can be on your way …once we rub you the wrong way.

It’s not a grope; consider it a freedom pat!

When we’re in doubt, you must whip it out!

You were a virgin!

We handle more packages than FedEx!

The TSA ain’t silly, it just wants to inspect your willy.

The law of the land is now a stroke of my hand!

No shirt, no shoes, no problem.

Let our fingers do the walking.


We reach out and touch someone.

Can you feel me now?

Our methods have been approved by the LGBT alliance!

When we’re done, you’ll want a cigarette.

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From You've Got Laughs! Al Lowe's Book of Internet Humor
coming soon from

© 1998 - 2010 by Al Lowe • All Rights Reserved • Updated November 23, 2010