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Men in the Men’s Room

Excitable Man

Shorts have twisted around, he can’t find the opening, rips pants in rage.

Sociable Man

Joins friends to tinkle, whether he has to or not. Figures it doesn’t cost anything.

Cross-Eyed Man

Looks into urinal on his left. Tinkles in the one in front, and flushes the one on the right.

Timid Man

Cannot tinkle if anyone is watching. Flushes urinal pretending he used it. Sneaks back later.

Nosey Man

Attempts to see into other urinal to see how the other guy is hung.

Indifferent Man

All urinals being occupied, he uses the sink.

Clever Man

No Hands. Shows off by adjusting tie, looks around for admiring glances; usually tinkles on shoe and floor.

Worried Man

Isn’t sure what he’s been into lately. Makes a frenzied search and inspection.

Frivolous Man

Plays the stream up and down and across the urinal. Attempts to hit flies. This type never grows up.

Absentminded Man

Opens vest. Pulls out tie. Wets pants.

Disgruntled Man

Stands for awhile. Attempts to push from inside. Is unsuccessful. Gives up. Leaves restroom grumbling, with fly open.

Sneaky Man

Passes wind silently while tinkling. Acts innocent. Knows the man in next stall will be blamed.

Personality Man

Tells dirty jokes while tinkling. Has pronounced control of his wind. Has his comrades in stitches, and tinkles on the floor.

Sloppy Man

Telltale wet drops always below the fly. Never misses his shoes, and occasionally others. Never washes hands. Usually walks out with fly undone.

Childish Man

Looks directly into the pool at the bottom of the urinal. Likes to hear the bubbling noise it makes.

Patient Man

Stands for an incredible length of time, waiting. Sometimes reads a newspaper held in his free hand.

Efficient Man

Waits until he has to do both so he doesn’t waste time.

Tough Guy

Bangs member on side of urinal when finished. On a good night, cracks porcelain.

Biker Dude

Rips urinal out of wall and tinkles out the window. Forgot he parked under the same window.

Adventurous Man

Likes to see how far he can stand from the urinal and still score a direct hit.

Travelin’ Man

Can never find a service station in time; carries a large bottle for the road. Has collection of large bottles which he forgets to pitch.

Forgetful Man

Finally remembers why he came into the john, approaches urinal, flushes and leaves while something warm runs down his leg.

Hand Man

While you’re doing your thing you hear a George Michaels impersonator in a nearby stall.

Short Man

Stands back and shoots up.

Tall Man

Shoots down, trying to avoid the double dribble. Often sprays short man because he can’t see him.

Flasher Man

Just stands in front of the urinal with his rain coat open.


Waits until teeth turn yellow. Usually tinkles


in pants while looking for the can.

Fat Man

Has trouble locating member. Takes blind shot at urinal, often hitting innocent bystanders.

Bad Man

While you’re taking care of business, he lifts your wallet and runs.

Drunk Man

Holds left thumb in right hand, tinkles in pants.

Conceited Man

Holds two inch member like a baseball bat.

Vigorous Man

Shakes vigorously to dry, usually the last drop lands on tip of his nose.

Dreamy Man

Looks at unit and congratulates it for it’s past performances.

Sensitive Man

Cries while taking a leak... or maybe that’s VD Man.

New York Man

Just uses the subway.

Disgusted Man

Looks at member and frowns because it ejaculated prematurely last night; and just now!

Desperate Man

Discovers his zipper is stuck.

Painful Man

Quickly zips before everything is put away. He is usually found writhing on the floor.

Pissed-Off Man

You’re standing next to Fat Man and your shoe’s getting wet.

Disillusioned Man

You notice the 7-year-old at the next stall has a bigger package than you.

Gay Man

Stands behind another guy at the urinal.

Phone Man

Can’t stay off his cell phone. Often misses his target if the conversation is heated. Forgets the other party can hear surrounding sounds.

Viagra Man

Forgot to relieve himself before taking Viagra. Usually hits the ceiling; often knocking down ceiling tiles. Has trouble closing zipper.