Back To Als Site
Back to Al's Text Humor Page

Lines Men Think the Perfect Wife Would Say

“Of course I'll swallow it; I love the taste.”

“Are you sure you've had enough to drink?”

“I'm bored; let's shave my pussy.”

“Oh, come on; let's get a porno, a case of beer, a few joints, and invite Tammy over for a threesome.”

“If I don't get to blow you soon, I swear I'm gonna scream.”

“I know it's a lot tighter back there, but would you please try again?”

“You're so sexy when you're hungover.”

“No, I'd rather stay here and watch football and drink beer than go shopping.”

“Go ahead and drink all you want; I'll drive home.”

“Want to watch me go down on my girlfriend?”

“If you need me, I'll be outside shoveling snow; you stay in here and watch the game.”

“Want to go to the mall so you can check out women's asses.”

“I love it when you play golf on Sundays; I just wish you had time to play on Saturdays, too.”

“Honey, our new neighbor's daughter is sunbathing again, come see!”

“I've decided to stop wearing clothes around the house.”

“No, let me change the oil in the car.”

“Your mother did such a great job raising you.”

“Do me a favor: forget the stupid Valentine's Day gift and buy yourself a new driver.”

“It's okay; we have an anniversary every year.”

“Why don't you go out with your buddies tonight; you'll have more fun.”

“Let's go to that new strip club.”

“I make enough money for both of us; why don't you retire?”

“What a great fart; can you pop another?”

“You look tired; you should go right to sleep as soon as we have sex tonight.”

“I signed up for yoga classes so I can get my ankles behind my head for you.”