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Letter to Management

I hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:

  •       I do physical labor.
  •       I work at great depths.
  •       I plunge headfirst into everything I do.
  •       I do not get weekends off or public holidays.
  •       I work in a damp environment.
  •       I don't get paid overtime.
  •       I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation.
  •       I work in high temperatures.
  •       My work exposes me to contagious diseases.


The Penis

Dear The:

After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:

  •       You never work 8 hours straight.
  •       You fall asleep on the job after brief work periods.
  •       You do not always follow the orders of the management team.
  •       You do not stay in your allocated position and often attempt to visit other areas.
  •       You rarely take the initiative; you need to be pressured to start working.
  •       You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift.
  •       You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing proper protective clothing.
  •       You'll retire well before reaching 65.
  •       You're unable to work double shifts.
  •       You sometimes leave your allocated position before the job is done.
  •       You have been seen entering and leaving the workplace carrying two suspicious-looking bags.


The Management