Back To Als Site
Back to Al's Text Humor Page

Carlos Says

by Carlos Escobar

Carlos Escobar was a programmer at Sierra Online in the late 80s and early 90s. He worked with me on many games, including LSL2: Leisure Suit Larry Goes Looking for Love (in Several Wrong Places), Leisure Suit Larry 3: Passionate Patti in Pursuit of the Pulsating Pectorals, Leisure Suit Larry 5: Passionate Patti Does a Little Undercover Work and Leisure Suit Larry 6: Shape Up or Slip Out!. He was a wonderful, warm, witty, droll, and dry individual who entertained all around him. He was also kind, always coming up with some new way to help those who needed help.

He came up with so many funny lines that fellow programmer Robert Lindsley created a batch file that many of us ran in our autoexec.bat files. It would display a random quote from Carlos every time we restarted our computers (which was quite often back in those days!). This was later turned into a program by Doug Oldfield which floated around the company for years, always bringing a smile to those who knew and loved Carlos.

What a great guy. Carlos, my man, you will be missed!

About Carlos Escobar


“That’s an idea.”

“Que te pasa, Calabasa?!”

“There’s a fine line between my friends… and the people I get stuck working with.”

“I’m sorry I’m doing such a poor job of pretending I’m listening.”

“He is a legend... in his own mind.”

“I like you just as much today as I did yesterday.”

“You must have mistaken me for someone who cares.”

“I’m mildly impressed.”

“Don’t get married. Don’t have kids!”

“When I say ‘we’ I’m really talking about you!”

“As long as your code has lots of white space and comments.... who cares if it works”

“When I say ‘we’ I’m really talking about you.”

“Just wedge it.”

“As long as your code has lots of white space and comments.... who cares if it works.”

“I think the problem is between the chair and the keyboard.”

“Happy thoughts, phony smile.”

“Why be nice when you can be honest?”

“It’s not what you say or do… it’s your timing that counts.”

“I have all day to be rude… but I’d rather wait until just the right moment.”

“Let me apologize in advance for tomorrow’s rudeness.”

“Let me get this right, you just said, ‘Blah, blah, blah, blah’?”

“It doesn’t get any better than this.”

“Have a nice day.”

“I treat you like I treat everyone else… like dirt.”

“I will give it the attention it deserves.”

“I’m not trying to save the world… but maybe I should — it would be easier.”

“This is not rocket science.”

“This is not brain surgery.”

“He’s not the sharpest tool in the shed.”

“Did you ride the short bus to school?”

“I almost care.”

“What color is the sky in your world?”

“Yeah. What’re ya gonna do?”

“I think this Internet thing is gonna take off.”

“I hear DOS is making a comeback.”

“It could be worse; it could be me.”

“You’re full of useless information.”

“I used to care”

“I can almost call you a friend.”

“You’re more full of shit than a Christmas goose.”

“I’m not asking for much.”

“Good enough for who it’s for.”

“You must have mistaken me for someone who cares.”

“Feel free to tell me all about it; not that I’m listening.”

“Did you ever think it might just be you?”

“It’s not magic, it’s just code!”

“…and he used to be such a respected programmer.”

“I’ve seen it all; I’ve done it all. I just can’t remember it all.”

“Do you want some cheese with that whine?”

“Take your time… I have all day.”

“Don’t be alarmed if I happen to snore while you’re talking.”

“Let me connect you with someone who cares.”

“Which part of read-only don’t you understand!?”

“We came very close to being friends.”

“Cats are why they invented lighter fluid.”

“If I had feelings, they’d be hurt.”

“I like you just as much today as I did yesterday.”

“If I never see you again, it’ll be too soon.”

“What a dork!”

“Let’s make a deal: you continue talking and I’ll continue pretending to listen.”

“I’m sorry, did I say that out loud?”

“Don’t let me slow down your search for someone who cares.”

“There’s a fine line between my friends and the people I’m stuck working with.”

“Anything is better than crashing.”

“You know, it’s always something.”

“There’s a fine line between a bug and sloppy code.”

“You know you’re lost if you have to make a printout.”

“That’s the start of a good idea!”

“I’m not grouchy! I just expect perfection.”

“I’d like to order a beer for me and Kool-Aid for my date.”

“What’s a gig between friends?”

“If I want any more shit from you, I’ll squeeze your head.”

“If I want your opinion, I’ll give it to you.”

“Hold on while I put on my ‘Give-a-Damn’ face.”

“Exactly which orifice would you like me to pull that miracle out of?!”

“Don’t let the door hit you on the way to Development!”

“To know me is to hate me.”

“There are now 95 employees. That makes 80 that I don’t know, nor care to know!”

“I don’t get paid nearly enough to care.”

“Great. I’ll put everything else aside and focus on your problem.”

“But this is my happy face.”

“A fool and his money soon become my close personal friends.”

“Your money and my pocket are a match made in heaven.”

“Even freeware is written better than that!”

“I share my bitterness with everyone!”

“Someday I’ll work with professionals; until then, I’m stuck with Paul!”

“What good are friends if I can’t take advantage of them?”

“I never knew what real happiness was until I got married… and then it was too late!”

“You’re not special; it’s just data.”

“Purgatory is Purgatory whether or not you have a window.”

“Just because you don’t understand it, doesn’t make it wrong.”

Bookmark and Share

From You've Got Laughs! Al Lowe's Book of Internet Humor
coming soon from

© 1998 - 2010 by Al Lowe • All Rights Reserved • Updated September 11, 2011