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Actual(?) Military Wisdom

If the enemy is in range, so are you. — Infantry Journal

Tracers work both ways. — Army Ordnance Manual

Don't ever be the first, don't ever be the last, and don't ever volunteer for anything — U. S. Navy

The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire. — anonymous

Five second fuses last about three seconds. — Infantry Journal

Nothing is so good for the morale of the troops as to occasionally see a dead general. — Field Marshal Slim

Don't draw fire, it irritates the people around you. — advice to the new guy

If the enemy is in range, so are you. — Infantry Journal

It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed. — U. S. Air Force Manual

Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword, obviously never encountered automatic weapons. — General MacArthur

Any ship can be a minesweeper. Once. — Naval Ops Manual

Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do. — anonymous infantry recruit

If you see a bomb technician running, try to keep up with him. — Infantry Journal

Yea, though i fly through the valley of the Shadow of Death, I shall fear no evil, for I am at 50,000 feet and climbing. — Sign at SR71 Wing Ops

You've never been lost until you've been lost at Mach 3. — Paul F. Crickmore, SR71 test pilot

If the wings are traveling faster than the fuselage, it's a helicopter and therefore unsafe. — fixed wing pilot

When one engine fails on a twin-engine airplane, you always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash. — Multi-Engine Training Manual

Without ammunition, the Air Force is just an expensive flying club. — anonymous

If you hear me yell; "Eject! Eject! Eject!", the last two will be echos. If you ask "Why?" you'll be talking to yourself, because by then, you'll be the pilot. — Pre-flight briefing by a Canadian F-104 pilot

What is the similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots? If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies, but if the ATC screws up, the pilot still dies. — sign in control tower

Never trade luck for skill. — anonymous

The three most famous last phrases in military aviation: "Did you feel that?" "What was that? and "Oh, shit!" — anonymous

Airspeed, altitude and brains; at least two are needed to successfully complete a flight. — Basic Flight Training Manual

Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight to a person on the ground incapable of understanding or doing anything about it. — Emergency Checklist

The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world; it can just barely kill you. — Max Stanley, Northrop test pilot

There is no reason to fly through a thunderstorm in peacetime. — Sign over Squadron Ops Desk at Davis-Montham AFB, Arizona

You know that your landing gear is up and locked when it takes full power to taxi to the terminal. — Fighter Training Manual

Friendly fire isn't. — anonymous

If it's stupid but it works, it isn't stupid. — Naval Ops Manual

Cluster bombing from B-52s is very, very accurate; the bombs always hit the ground. — U. S. Air Force Manual

If you find yourself in a fair fight, you didn't plan your mission properly. — David Hackworth

Aim towards enemy. — Instruction on rocket launcher

When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend — USMC

When you're short of everything but the enemy, you're in combat. — USMC

You don't win a war by dying for your country; you win a war by making the other son-of-a-bitch die for his. — General George S. Patton

You know that your landing gear is up and locked when it takes full power to taxi to the terminal. — Lead-in Fighter Training Manual

Coffee tastes better when the latrines are downstream from an encampment. — U. S. Army Field Regulations, 1861

From You've Got Laughs! The Big Book of Internet Humor by Al Lowe,
coming soon from www.allowe.com