Actual(?) Business Signs

Sign At A Chicago Radiator Shop

"Best Place In Town To Take A Leak."

At A Plastic Surgeon’s Office

“We Can Help You Pick Your Nose!”

At A Car Dealership

“The Best Way To Get Back On Your Feet? Miss A Payment!”

At A Number Of US Military Bases

“Restricted To Unauthorized Personnel”

At A Proctologist's Door

"To Expedite Your Visit Please Back In."

At A Propane Filling Station

"Thank Heaven For Little Grills."

At A Santa Fe Gas Station

“We Will Sell Gasoline To Anyone In A Glass Container”

At A Tire Shop In Milwaukee

"Invite Us To Your Next Blowout."

At A Towing Company

"We Don't Charge An Arm And A Leg. We Want Tows."

At A Used Car Lot

“Second Hand Cars In First Crash Condition.”

At An Optometrist’s Office

“If You Don’t See What You’re Looking For, You’ve Come To The Right Place.”

At The Electric Company

"We Would Be Delighted If You Send In Your Payment. However, If You Don't, You Will Be."

Bumper Sticker On An Old Farm Truck

“I May Be Slow - But I’m Ahead Of You”

From The Safety Information Seatback Card On United Airlines

“If you cannot read this card...”

In A Beauty Shop

“Dye Now!”

In A Cafeteria

“Shoes Are Required To Eat In The Cafeteria. Socks Can Eat Wherever They Want”

In A Clothing Store

“Wonderful Bargains For Men With 16 And 17 Necks”

In A Counselor’s Office

“Growing Old Is Mandatory. Growing Wise Is Optional.”

In A Dry Cleaner

“Drop Your Pants Here.”

In A Field

“The Farmer Allows Walkers To Cross The Field For Free, But The Bull Charges.”

In A Florida Maternity Ward

“No Children Allowed”

In A Funeral Parlor

“Ask About Our Layaway Plan”

In A Health Food Shop Window

“Closed Due To Illness”

In A Laundromat

“Automatic Washing Machine. Remove All Your Clothes When Light Goes Out”

In A Laundry Room

“Do Not Put Wet Clothes In Dryers, As This Can Cause “Irreparable Damage.

In A Library

“Blotter Paper Will No Longer Be Available Until The Public Stops Taking It Away.”

In A Los Angeles Dance Hall

“Good Clean Dancing Every Night But Sunday”

In A Massachusetts Birdwatchers’ Parking Area

“Parking For Birds Only”

In A New Hampshire Jewelry Store

“Ears Pierced While You Wait”

In A New York Drugstore

“We Dispense With Accuracy”

In A New York Medical Building

“Mental Health Prevention Center”

In A New York Restaurant

“Customers Who Find Our Waitresses Rude Should See The Manager."

In A Nonsmoking Area

"If We See Smoke, We Will Assume You Are On Fire And Take Appropriate Action."

In A Non-Smoking Area

“If We See You Smoking, We Will Assume You Are On Fire And Take Appropriate Action”

In A Pennsylvania Cemetery

“Persons Are Prohibited From Picking Flowers From Any But Their Own Graves."

In A Podiatrist’s Window

“Time Wounds All Heels.”

In A Podiatrist's Office

"Time Wounds All Heels."

In A Restaurant Window

“Don’t Stand There And Be Hungry, Come In And Get Fed Up”

In A Safari Park

“Elephants Please Stay In Your Car”

In A Tacoma, Washington Men’s Clothing Store

“15 Men’s Wool Suits - $100 - They Won’t Last An Hour!”

In A Toilet

“Toilet Out Of Order. Please Use Floor Below.”

In A Veterinarian's Waiting Room

"Be Back In 5 Minutes. Sit! Stay!"

In Downtown Boston

“Callahan Tunnel / No End”

In Front Of A New Hampshire Car Wash

“If You Can’t Read This, It’s Time You Wash Your Car.”

In Front Of A New Hampshire Restaurant

“Now Serving Live Lobsters”

In The Front Yard Of A Funeral Home

“Drive Carefully, We’ll Wait.”

In The Offices Of A Loan Company

“Ask About Our Plans For Owning Your Home.”

In The Vestry Of A New England Church

“Will The Last Person To Leave Please See That The Perpetual Light Is Extinguished"

In The Window Of A Kentucky Appliance Store

“Don’t Kill Your Wife. Let Our Washing Machine Do The Dirty Work."

In The Window Of An Oregon General Store

“Why Go Elsewhere To Be Cheated, When You Can Come Here?”

Inside A Bowling Alley

“Please Be Quiet. We Need To Hear A Pin Drop.”

On A Butcher’s Window

“Let Me Meat Your Needs.”

On A Butcher’s Window

“Pleased To Meat You.”

On A Church Door

“This Is The Gate To Heaven. Enter Ye All By This Door. (This Door Locked Because Of Draft. Use Side Entrance.)”

On A Delicatessen Wall

“Our Best Is None Too Good”

On A Desk In A Reception Room

“We Shoot Every 3rd Salesman, And The 2nd One Just Left.”

On A Display Of “You Are My One And Only” Valentine Cards

“Now Available In Multi-Packs”

On A Fence

"Salesmen Welcome! Dog Food Is Expensive."

On A Front Door

“Everyone On The Premises Is A Vegetarian Except The Dog.”

On A Front Yard In York, Maine

“Inexpensive, Quality Daycare - Openings Day And Night”

On A Leaflet

“If You Cannot Read, This Leaflet Will Tell You How To Get Lessons.”

On A Long-Established New Mexico Dry Cleaner

“Thirty-Eight Years On The Same Spot”

On A Maine Shop

“Our Motto Is To Give Our Customers The Lowest Possible “Prices And Workmanship.

On A Maternity Room Door

“Push, Push, Push.”

On A Music Library’s Door

“Bach In A Minuet.”

On A Music Teacher’s Door

“Out Chopin.”

On A New York Convalescent Home

“For The Sick And Tired Of The Episcopal Church”

On A Pizza Shop

“7 Days Without Pizza Makes One Weak.”

On A Plastic Surgeon's Office Door

"Hello. Can We Pick Your Nose?"

On A Plumber's Truck

"We Repair What Your Husband Fixed."

On A Plumber's Truck

"Don't Sleep With A Drip. Call Your Plumber.."

On A Repair Shop Door

“We Repair Anything!”

On A Repair Shop

“Knock Hard—Bell Broken”

On A Restaurant

“Open Seven Days A Week And Weekends”

On A Restroom Dryer In Chicago’s O’Hare Field

“Do Not Activate With Wet Hands”

On A Roller Coaster

“Watch Your Head”

On A San Francisco Drug Store Located Across The Street From The Transbay Bus Terminal

“Terminal Drugs”

On A Scientist’s Door

“Gone Fission”

On A Septic Tank Truck In Oregon

Yesterday's Meals On Wheels

On A Septic Tank Truck Sign

"We're #1 In The #2 Business."

On A Shopping Mall Marquee

“Archery Tournament—Ears Pierced”

On A Taxidermist’s Window

“We Really Know Our Stuff.”

On A Tennessee Highway

“Take Notice: When This Sign Is Under Water, This Road Is Impassable."

On An Asian Seafood Store In Madison, Wi

“Crap, $1.79/Lb”

On An Electrician’s Truck

“Let Us Remove Your Shorts.”

On An Oregon Telephone Pole Poster

“Are You An Adult That Cannot Read? If So, We Can Help.”

On The Door Of A Computer Store

“Out For A Quick Byte.”

On The Grounds Of A Private School

“No Trespassing Without Permission”

On The Menu Of A Restaurant

“Blackened Bluefish”

On The Side Of A Garbage Truck

“We’ve Got What It Takes To Take What You’ve Got”

On The Walls Of A Baltimore Estate

“Trespassers Will Be Prosecuted To The Full Extent Of The Law—Sisters Of Mercy"

Outside A Country Shop

“We Buy Junk And Sell Antiques”

Outside A Hotel

“Help! We Need Inn-Experienced People.”

Outside A Muffler Shop

"No Appointment Necessary. We Heard You Coming."

Outside A Radiator Repair Shop

“Best Place In Town To Take A Leak”

Outside A Second-Hand Shop

“We Exchange Anything Bicycles, Washing Machines, Etc. Bring Your Wife Along And Get A Wonderful Bargain.”

Over A Gynecologist’s Office

“Dr. Jones, At Your Cervix.”