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You May Need A New Lawyer if...
During the trial, you catch him playing his Gameboy.
Every couple of minutes he yells, “I call Jack Daniel’s to the stand!” and then drinks a shot.
He frequently gives juror No. 4 the finger.
He places a large “No Refunds” sign on the defense table.
He begins his closing argument, “As Ally McBeal once said...”
He keeps citing the legal case of Godzilla v. Mothra.
Just before trial starts, he whispers, “The judge is the one with the little hammer, right?”
Every time he says, “Your Honor,” his fingers make those little quotation marks in the air.
The sign in front of his law office reads “Practicing Law since 2:25 PM.”
He giggles whenever he hears the word “briefs.”
In his opening argument, he called the prosecutor a “Doo-Doo Head.”
He tries to cheer you by telling you you'd look great in orange.
He giggles hysterically at every mention of "Penal Code."
Keeps trying to call a witness named “Johnny, the Trouser Troll.”
The only question he came up with during cross-examination was, “Isn’t it true you’re a lying bastard?”
He constantly objects to the “vibes” he gets from the jury.
Every time the judge sustains one of his objections, he screams, “Yahtzee!”
Instead of saying, “Your honor, I object!”, he now just rolls his eyes and says, “Whatever.”
He claims that staring at your cleavage is a necessary part of the “discovery” processes.
He offers to waive his usual fee in exchange for your panties.
You met him in prison.
During your initial consultation he tried to sell you Amway.
He tells you that his last good case was Budweiser.
When the prosecutors see who your lawyer is, they high-fived each other.
He picked the jury by playing “duck-duck-goose.”
He tells you that he’s never told a lie.
He asks a hostile witness to “pull my finger.”
A prison guard is shaving your head.