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Your potted plants stay alive.
You consider sex in a twin-sized bed absurd.
Your refrigerator contains more food than beer.
You get up at 6:00 AM instead of going to bed then.
You hear your favorite song on the elevator at work.
You carry an umbrella.
You watch the Weather Channel.
Your friends marry and divorce instead of hook-up and break-up.
You go from 130 days of vacation per year to 7.
You no longer consider jeans and a sweater "dressed up."
You're the one calling the police because those kids next door don't turn down their stereo.
Older relatives are comfortable telling sex jokes around you.
You no longer know what time Taco Bell closes.
Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.
You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonald's.
Sleeping on the couch is a no-no.
You no longer take naps from noon to 6 p.m.
Dinner and a movie is a whole date instead of the beginning of one.
MTV News is no longer your primary source of information.
You go to the drugstore for Ibuprofen and antacids instead of condoms and pregnancy test kits.
You no longer consider a $6.00 bottle of wine the "good stuff."
You actually eat breakfast foods at breakfast time.
Grocery lists contain more than macaroni, Diet Pepsi, and Ho-Ho's.
"I just can't drink the way I used to" replaces "I'm never going to drink that much again."
90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.
You actually get these jokes!