Should Be Over 50
Armed Forces only accepts those younger than 35. They've
got it backwards. Instead of sending 18-year-olds to fight,
they should send old guys. You shouldn't be able to join
until you're over 35. Why?
say 18-year-olds think about sex every 10 seconds. Old
guys only think about sex every 15 seconds, leaving
more than 28,000 additional seconds per day per recruit to
concentrate on the enemy.
guys haven't lived long enough to be cranky and grumpy. A
cranky and grumpy soldier is a dangerous soldier.
old guys can't kill the enemy, they could complain them into
surrender. "My back hurts!" "I'm hungry!"
"Where's the remote control?"
18-year-old hasn't had a legal bottle of beer yet and you
shouldn't go to war until you're at least old enough to legally
drink beer. On the other hand, the average old guy has consumed
26,000 gallons of beer by the time he's 35. A jaunt through
the desert with a backpack and an M-60 would do wonders for
his beer belly.
18-year-old doesn't like to get up before 10 a.m. Old guys
get up early just because we can (and to steal the neighbors'
an old guy got captured, he couldn't spill the beans because
he'd forget them. Name, rank and serial number would be a
camp would be easier for old guys; they're used to being
screamed at. Plus, they actually like soft food.
guys already have a deep appreciation for guns and rifles.
They like them almost better than naps.
the Army would have to lighten up on the obstacle course.
Besides, there's not a single 20-foot wall with a rope hanging
over the side in the entire desert.
Drill Sergeant would have to be retrained: "Now, mister,
drop down and give me... er... one!"
could eliminate the running part. That's a waste of good
energy. No one has ever outrun a bullet anyway.
the joke about the two bulls standing on a hill looking down
at a herd of cows? The young bull said, "Let's run down
there and make love to one of those cows." The old bull
replied, "Let's walk down there and make love
to all those cows!" Patience is something most
18-year-olds simply do not have. And for good reason. An
18-year-old has his whole world ahead of him. He's still
learning to shave, to actually carry on a conversation, to
learn that a pierced tongue catches food particles, and to
learn that a 200-watt 15-inch woofer in the back seat of
a Honda will rupture an eardrum. These are all good reasons
to keep our sons at home to learn more about life before
sending them off to war.
us old guys track down the dirty, rotten, filthy cowards
who attacked our country. The last thing they'd want to see
right now is a million old guys with attitudes!