Things You Just Don't Hear Anymore
Be sure to refill the ice trays, we're going to have company.
Watch for the postman, I want to get this letter to Willie in the mail today.
Quit slamming the screen door when you go out!
Be sure and pull the windows down when you leave, it looks like a shower is coming.
Don't forget to wind the clock before you go to bed.
Wash your feet before you go to bed, you've been playing outside all day barefooted.
Why can't you remember to roll up your britches legs? Getting them caught in the bicycle chain so many times is tearing them up.
You have torn the knees out of that pair of pants so many times there is nothing left to put a patch on.
Don't go outside with your school clothes on!
Comb your hair; it looks like the rats have nested in it all night.
Pour the cream off the top of the milk when you open a new bottle.
Take an empty milk bottle to the store with you so you won't have to pay a deposit on another one.
Put a dish towel over the cake so the flies won't get on it.
Quit jumping on the floor! I have a cake in the oven and you are going to make it fall!
Let me know when the Fuller Brush man comes by, I need to get a few things from him.
You boys stay close by. The car may not start and I will need you to help push it off.
There's a dollar in my purse, get 5 gallons of gas when you go to town.
Open the back door and see if we can get a breeze through here.
You can walk to the store; it won't hurt you to get some exercise.
Don't sit too close to the TV. It is hard on your eyes.
Don't lose that button; I'll sew it back on after awhile.
Wash your neck before you come to the table.
Get out from under the sewing machine; pumping it messes up the thread!
Be sure and fill the lamps this morning so we don't have to do that tonight in the dark.
Here, take this old magazine to the toilet with you when you go, we're almost out of paper out there.
Go out to the well and draw a bucket of water so I can wash dishes.
Don't turn the radio on now, I want the battery to be up when the Grand Ole Opry comes on.
No! I don't have 10 cents for you to go to the show. Do you think money grows on trees?
Eat those turnips, they'll make you big and strong like your daddy.
That dog is NOT coming in this house! I don't care how cold it is out there, dogs don't stay in the house.
Sit still! I'm trying to get your hair cut straight and you keep moving and it is all messed up.
Hush your mouth! I don't want to hear words like that! I'll wash your mouth out with soap!
It's time for your system to be cleaned out, I'm going to give you a dose of castor oil tonight.
If you get a spanking in school and I find out about it, you'll get another one when you get home.
Quit crossing your eyes! They will get stuck that way!
Soak your foot in this pan of kerosene so that bad cut won't get infected.
When you take your driving test, remember to signal your turns: arm straight out the window for a left turn, bent up at the elbow for a right, and down the door to stop.
It's 'Yes, Ma'am' and 'No, Ma'am' to me, young man, and don't you forget it!
From You've Got Laughs! Al Lowe's Book of Internet Humor
© 1998 - 2010 by Al Lowe • All Rights Reserved • Updated April 27, 2010