Then

Long hair

Now

Longing for hair.

Then

KEG

Now

EKG.

Then

Acid rock

Now

Acid reflux.

Then

Moving to California because it’s cool.

Now

Moving to California because it’s warm.

Then

Watching John Glenn’s historic flight with your parents.

Now

Watching John Glenn’s historic flight with your kids.

Then

Trying to look like Marlon Brando or Elizabeth Taylor.

Now

Trying not to look like Marlon Brando or Elizabeth Taylor.

Then

You’re growing pot.

Now

Your growing pot.

Then

Seeds and stems.

Now

Roughage.

Then

Popping pills, smoking joints.

Now

Popping joints.

Then

President Johnson

Now

The president's johnson

Then

Fighting to get rid of the lying president

Now

Fighting to keep the lying president

Then

The perfect high

Now

The perfect high-yield mutual fund

Then

Taking acid

Now

Taking antacid

Then

Getting your head stoned

Now

Getting your headstone

Then

Our president’s struggle with Fidel.

Now

Our president’s struggle with fidelity.

Then

Paar.

Now

AARP.

Then

Keg

Now

EKG

Then

Being caught with Hustler magazine.

Now

Being caught by Hustler magazine.

Then

Killer weed.

Now

Weed killer.

Then

Hoping for a BMW.

Now

Hoping for a BM.

Then

The Grateful Dead.

Now

Dr. Kevorkian.

Then

Worrying about no one coming to your party

Now

Worrying about no one coming to your funeral

Then

Finding a new, hip joint.

Now

Getting a new hip joint.

Then

Seeds and stems

Now

Roughage

Then

Rolling Stones

Now

Kidney stones

Then

Being called into the principal's office

Now

Calling the principal's office

Then

Peace sign

Now

Mercedes logo

Then

Parents begging you to get your hair cut

Now

Children begging you to get their heads shaved

Then

Passing the driver's test

Now

Passing the vision test

Then

"Whatever"

Now

"Depends"