|
Abbott |
Ultimate Super Duper Computer Store. May I help you? |
Costello |
Thanks. I'm setting up a home office in the den and I'm thinking of buying a computer. |
Abbott |
Mac? |
Costello |
No, the name is Lou. |
Abbott |
Your computer? |
Costello |
I don't own a computer. I want to buy one. |
Abbott |
Mac? |
Costello |
I told you, my name is Lou. |
Abbott |
What about Windows? |
Costello |
Why? Does it get stuffy? |
Abbott |
Do you want a computer with Windows? |
Costello |
I don't know. What do I see when I look out the windows? |
Abbott |
Wallpaper. |
Costello |
Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software. |
Abbott |
Software that runs on Windows? |
Costello |
No, on the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses. You know, run a business. What have you got? |
Abbott |
Office. |
Costello |
Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything? |
Abbott |
I just did. |
Costello |
You just did what? |
Abbott |
Recommended something. |
Costello |
You recommended something? |
Abbott |
Yes. |
Costello |
For my office? |
Abbott |
Yes. |
Costello |
Okay, what did you recommend for my office? |
Abbott |
Office. |
Costello |
Yes, for my office. |
Abbott |
Office for Windows. |
Costello |
I already have an office and it already has windows! Let's say I'm sitting at my computer, and I want to type a proposal. What do I need? |
Abbott |
Word. |
Costello |
If I'm writing a proposal, I'm going to need lots of words. But what program do I load? |
Abbott |
Word. |
Costello |
What word? |
Abbott |
The Word in Office. |
Costello |
The only word in office is office. |
Abbott |
The Word in Office for Windows. |
Costello |
Which word in "office for windows?" |
Abbott |
The Word you get when you click the blue W. |
Costello |
I'm going to click your big W if you don't give me a straight answer. Let's forget about words for a minute. What do I need if I want to watch a movie over the Internet? |
Abbott |
RealOne. |
Costello |
Maybe a real movie, maybe a cartoon. What I watch is none of your business. But what do I need to watch it? |
Abbott |
RealOne. |
Costello |
If it's a long movie I'll also want to watch reels two, three and four. Can I watch reel four? |
Abbott |
Of course. |
Costello |
Great! With what? |
Abbott |
RealOne. |
Costello |
Okay, so I'm sitting at my computer and I want to watch a movie. What do I do? |
Abbott |
You click the blue 1. |
Costello |
I click the blue one what? |
Abbott |
The blue 1. |
Costello |
Is that different from the blue W? |
Abbott |
Of course it is. The blue 1 is RealOne. The blue W is Word. |
Costello |
What word? |
Abbott |
The Word in Office for Windows. |
Costello |
But there's three words in "office for windows!" |
Abbott |
No, just one. But it's the most popular Word in the world. |
Costello |
It is? |
Abbott |
Yes, although to be fair there aren't many other Words left. It pretty much wiped out all the other Words. |
Costello |
And that word is the real one? |
Abbott |
No. RealOne has nothing to do with Word. RealOne isn't even part of Office. |
Costello |
Never mind; I don't want to get started with that again. But I also need something for bank accounts, loans, and so on. What do you have to help me track my money? |
Abbott |
Money. |
Costello |
That's right. What do you have? |
Abbott |
Money. |
Costello |
I need money to track my money? |
Abbott |
No, not really. It comes bundled with your computer. |
Costello |
What comes bundled with my computer? |
Abbott |
Money. |
Costello |
Money comes bundled with my computer? |
Abbott |
Exactly. No extra charge. |
Costello |
I get a bundle of money with my computer at no extra charge? How much money do I get? |
Abbott |
Just one copy. |
Costello |
I get a copy of money. Isn't that illegal? |
Abbott |
No. We have a license from Microsoft to make copies of Money. |
Costello |
Microsoft can license you to make money? |
Abbott |
Why not? They own it. |
Costello |
Well, it's great that I'm going to get free money, but I'll still need to track it. Do you have anything for managing your money? |
Abbott |
Managing Your Money? That program disappeared years ago. |
Costello |
Well, what do you sell in its place? |
Abbott |
Money. |
Costello |
You sell money? |
Abbott |
Of course. But if you buy a computer from us, you get it for free. |
Costello |
That's all very wonderful, but I'll be running a business. Do you have any software for, you know, accounting? |
Abbott |
Simply Accounting. |
Costello |
Probably, but it might get a little complicated. |
Abbott |
If you don't want Simply Accounting, you might try M.Y.O.B. |
Costello |
M.Y.O.B.? What does that stand for? |
Abbott |
Mind Your Own Business. |
Costello |
I beg your pardon? |
Abbott |
No, that would be I.B.Y.P. I said M.Y.O.B. |
Costello |
Look, I just need to do some accounting for my home business. You know—Accounting? You do it with money. |
Abbott |
Of course you can do accounting with Money. But you may need more. |
Costello |
More money? |
Abbott |
More than Money. Money can't do everything. |
Costello |
I don't need a sermon! Okay, let's forget about money for the moment. I'm worried that my computer might...what's the word? Crash. And if my computer crashes, what can I use to restore my data? |
Abbott |
GoBack. |
Costello |
Okay. I'm worried about my computer smashing and I need something to restore my data. What do you recommend? |
Abbott |
GoBack. |
Costello |
How many times do I have to repeat myself? |
Abbott |
I've never asked you to repeat yourself. All I said was GoBack. |
Costello |
How can I go back if I haven't even been anywhere? Okay, I'll go back. What do I need to write a proposal? |
Abbott |
Word. |
Costello |
But I'll need lots of words to write a proposal. |
Abbott |
No, you only need one Word-the Word in Office for Windows. |
Costello |
But there's three words in... Oh, never mind! |
Abbott |
Hello? Hello? Customers! Why do they always hang up on me? Oh, well. Ultimate Super Duper Computer Store. May I help you? |