32 Bit Resolution

motion to spend four dollars

Adobe Photoshop

red bilding ware you git yur pictur took

Alias

name ya use at a motel

Apple

needed for pan dowdy and fritters

Application

put sum salve on yur skin

Backup

takin the truk outa the driveway

Backup Disc

spare Frisbie

Bandwidth

men’s are larger on a watch

Binary

having friends of both sexes

Bit

place a wager; as in “bit ya can’t spit that chawin tibacco plum cross ta road”

Browser

fella reedin Playboy in the drug store

Bug

thing on phone to check yur wife’s calls

Byte

wut them dang flys and muskitos do; first word of a kiss-off phrase

C++

superior grade in skool

Cache

needed when yur credit cards max out and ya hav no food stamps

CD Rom

place in the bank ware they sell them big notes

Chip

munchies fer the TV

Clipboard

place you keep yur ammo

Clones

fans of the jungle; circus guys in funny suits

Cobal

guys and gals playing softtball together at cunpany picnics

Code

wen yu gotta snooty nose and coff

Coding

illegal drug that makes you high

Crash

wen yur truk hits a tree; wen you go to Junior’s party uninvited

Cursor

wucha do wen yur mad at yur wife

Debugger

 a roach motel

Digital

a questshun as “digital her ta bring the beer?”; numers on a watch

Digital Control

wut yur fingers do on the TV remote

Disc Operating System

wut the doc uses to fix your floppy disc

Diskette

female disco dancer

Domain

most importint, as in “he’s domain boss”

Dos

opposite of don’ts

Dot Matrix

Tom Matrix’s wife

Download

pitchin' the farwood off the truk

Downtime

period of depression

Drive Compatibility

a long car ride with your wife without fightin

Edit

wucha do with food

E-Mail

not a sissy or weeklin

Encryption

what the undertaker duz to ya

Enter

Notherner talk fer “Cumin, y’all”

Ethernet

wut the doc puts on your face in surgery to make ya sleep

Expansion Slot

extra hole in yur belt ya use wen ya overeat

FAQ

used with “U,” wut you yell when someone cuts ya off

Fax

wucha lie about to the IRS

File

wut yur wile uses on her nails

Firewall

ware ya practises yur target shutin

Floppy

after sex; when you run out of Polygrip

Floppy Disk

soggy pizza; wucha git from liftin too much farwood

Font

discover as in “I font it at a garage sale”

Format

small rug to wipe your feet on wen ya go inta the house on a muddy day

Fortan

wats inside cookies at Chinese restrants; lots of money

Frame

wen the cops bring ther own pot to the party

Freeze

releases from captivity as Bruce Willis freeze the hostiges in Die Hard

Hacker

granpa after 62 years of smokin

Hard Drive

Trying to climb a steep, muddy hill with 3 flat tires and pulling a trailer load of fertilizer.

Hardcode

wen the snoot in yer nose gets real dry

Hardware

leather and spats

Homepage

place in the newspaper with houses for sale

IBM

anser wen teechur calls yur name

Icon

braggin as in “icon lift yur truk with one arm”

Index

what poker cards cum in

Infrared

ware the leftovers go when Fred’s here

Install

ware ya keep your horse

Interactive

run into the house

Interface

wat happens when two teens with braces kiss

Internet

wut the bait duz wen ya catch it

Internet Explorer

a currous fish

Italic

furriner from Roam

Java Applets

fritters for dunkin

Jazz Drive

fancy new sports car

Joystick

wat you open yur pants fur

Keyboard

ware ya hang yur truk keys

Lan

to borrow as, “Delbert, lan me yur truk”; the grass in fronta yur house

Laptop

ware the little kids jump on to sit

Laser Printer

fella too tired ta rite his ma

Log Off

takin the wood off the pile fur usin

Log On

making a wood stove hotter

Mac

yur kids favorite food

Main Frame

wut holds up the barn roof

Manual

truk without automatic geers

Megabyte

wucha git from Meg durin luvmakin

Megahertz

watcha git when yer not keerful gettin the farwood

Memory Card

used to cheat on tests

Menu

restarent list

Microchip

wuts left in the munchie bag when the chips are gone

Microfiche

tiny fish used fur bait

Microprocessor

fine meat chopper fur making sausagee

Microsoft

defrostin a TV dinner in the microwave

Microsoft Windows

small plastic thing on return envelopes

Microsoft Word

whisper

Modem

whacha do to the grass twisa yeer; how you got rid of your dandelions

Monitor

teachur’s helper at lunch

Motherboard

source of toothpicks

Motor Housing

a winnebago

Mouse

fuzzy lil thing wut eats the horses’ grain in the barn; fuzzy lil thing you stuff in your beer bottle in order to get a free case

Multicasting

two actors taking turns playing a part in a play

Multisync

two washing areas in the same bathroom

Netscape Navigator

leeder of fish eludin comershal fishermen

Network

ESPN, FOX, NBC; way to get bait

Newsgroup

wives gossippin

Novell

a frictional book; a new way of doin sumthing

Oracle

earlobe

Overwrite

what makes yur checks bounce

Packet

wucha do to a suitcase before a trip

Password

“fore”, used wen playin golf

Plotter Pen

jail for conspirators and terrorists

Plug-In

push the end ot the TV cord into the wall

Port

fancy wine

Printer

fella who can’t rite in handritin

Printout

wen ya uz a eracer or whiteout to curect a mistake

Program

wuts on the TV when there’s receptshun

Programmer

fella with the TV remote

Prompt

wucha wish the mail was in mud season

Proxy Server

souppini deliverer wen ya cant do it yurself

Raid

used to kill bugs; wen the cops crash yur pot party

Ram

lambs daddy; whacha do to a car goin too slow on the hiway

Ram Chip

male sheep droppins

Random Access Memory

wen ya cant member wen yer wife asks ware ya were

Real Time

awake and not dreaming

Reboot

wucha do wen ya step in horse manuer

Reload

fill the frig with 6-pacs and chips

Rom

host of the jungle’s name; the Popes home; good to mix with Coca Cola.

Scanner

watchin a female disco dancer

Screen

thing to keep the flies out

Security

bank guard

Server

gal in resterant that brings yur food

Software

them plastic eatin utensils ya git at MacDonalds

Spam

meat for special occashuns

Stationary

not movin as most wives in bed

Superconductors

Glenn Miller, Doc Severnsen, Lawrence Welk

Support

drink fancy wine slowly; whut ya use suspenders fur

Terminal

time to call the undertaker

Text

dude from Dallas

Token Ring

wat ya usta git on the merry-go-round to gitttt a free ride

Unzip

open yur pants

Update

wen ya rite a check so it cant be used until next month

Upgrade

skule term fur permoshun as upgrade to secund after jus two yeers in furst; when teechur changes an “F” to a “D”

Vector

winner of the fite or race

Version

wucha dislike as in “he has a version to broccoli”

Virus

same as a code but wurse

Website

ware spiders catch flies

Window

place in a truk to hang your guns

Windows

wucha shut when its 30 below

Worm

wacha put on a fish hook

Zip Drive

goin fast lik a NASCAR