|
Excitable Man |
Shorts have twisted around, he can’t find the opening, rips pants in rage. |
Sociable Man |
Joins friends to tinkle, whether he has to or not. Figures it doesn’t cost anything. |
Cross-Eyed Man |
Looks into urinal on his left. Tinkles in the one in front, and flushes the one on the right. |
Timid Man |
Cannot tinkle if anyone is watching. Flushes urinal pretending he used it. Sneaks back later. |
Nosey Man |
Attempts to see into other urinal to see how the other guy is hung. |
Indifferent Man |
All urinals being occupied, he uses the sink. |
Clever Man |
No Hands. Shows off by adjusting tie, looks around for admiring glances; usually tinkles on shoe and floor. |
Worried Man |
Isn’t sure what he’s been into lately. Makes a frenzied search and inspection. |
Frivolous Man |
Plays the stream up and down and across the urinal. Attempts to hit flies. This type never grows up. |
Absentminded Man |
Opens vest. Pulls out tie. Wets pants. |
Disgruntled Man |
Stands for awhile. Attempts to push from inside. Is unsuccessful. Gives up. Leaves restroom grumbling, with fly open. |
Sneaky Man |
Passes wind silently while tinkling. Acts innocent. Knows the man in next stall will be blamed. |
Personality Man |
Tells dirty jokes while tinkling. Has pronounced control of his wind. Has his comrades in stitches, and tinkles on the floor. |
Sloppy Man |
Telltale wet drops always below the fly. Never misses his shoes, and occasionally others. Never washes hands. Usually walks out with fly undone. |
Childish Man |
Looks directly into the pool at the bottom of the urinal. Likes to hear the bubbling noise it makes. |
Patient Man |
Stands for an incredible length of time, waiting. Sometimes reads a newspaper held in his free hand. |
Efficient Man |
Waits until he has to do both so he doesn’t waste time. |
Tough Guy |
Bangs member on side of urinal when finished. On a good night, cracks porcelain. |
Biker Dude |
Rips urinal out of wall and tinkles out the window. Forgot he parked under the same window. |
Adventurous Man |
Likes to see how far he can stand from the urinal and still score a direct hit. |
Travelin’ Man |
Can never find a service station in time; carries a large bottle for the road. Has collection of large bottles which he forgets to pitch. |
Forgetful Man |
Finally remembers why he came into the john, approaches urinal, flushes and leaves while something warm runs down his leg. |
Hand Man |
While you’re doing your thing you hear a George Michaels impersonator in a nearby stall. |
Short Man |
Stands back and shoots up. |
Tall Man |
Shoots down, trying to avoid the double dribble. Often sprays short man because he can’t see him. |
Flasher Man |
Just stands in front of the urinal with his rain coat open. |
Procrastinating |
Waits until teeth turn yellow. Usually tinkles |
Man |
in pants while looking for the can. |
Fat Man |
Has trouble locating member. Takes blind shot at urinal, often hitting innocent bystanders. |
Bad Man |
While you’re taking care of business, he lifts your wallet and runs. |
Drunk Man |
Holds left thumb in right hand, tinkles in pants. |
Conceited Man |
Holds two inch member like a baseball bat. |
Vigorous Man |
Shakes vigorously to dry, usually the last drop lands on tip of his nose. |
Dreamy Man |
Looks at unit and congratulates it for it’s past performances. |
Sensitive Man |
Cries while taking a leak... or maybe that’s VD Man. |
New York Man |
Just uses the subway. |
Disgusted Man |
Looks at member and frowns because it ejaculated prematurely last night; and just now! |
Desperate Man |
Discovers his zipper is stuck. |
Painful Man |
Quickly zips before everything is put away. He is usually found writhing on the floor. |
Pissed-Off Man |
You’re standing next to Fat Man and your shoe’s getting wet. |
Disillusioned Man |
You notice the 7-year-old at the next stall has a bigger package than you. |
Gay Man |
Stands behind another guy at the urinal. |
Phone Man |
Can’t stay off his cell phone. Often misses his target if the conversation is heated. Forgets the other party can hear surrounding sounds. |
Viagra Man |
Forgot to relieve himself before taking Viagra. Usually hits the ceiling; often knocking down ceiling tiles. Has trouble closing zipper. |