How to Get Rid of Telemarketers
If they want to loan you money, tell them you just
filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money.
Ask, "How long can I keep it? Do I have to ever
pay it back, or is it like the other money I borrowed
before my bankruptcy?"
If they start out with, "How are you today?"
say, "Why do you want to know?" Or you can
say, "I'm so glad you asked, because no one seems
to care these days and I have all these problems, my
sciatica is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog
just died...." When they try to get back to the
sales process, just continue on with telling about
If the person says he's Joe Doe from the XYZ Company,
ask him to spell his name, then ask him to spell the
company name, then ask where it is located. Continue
asking personal questions or questions about the company
for as long as necessary.
This one works better if you are male: Telemarketer:
"Hi, my name is Judy and I'm with Canter and Siegel
services.... You: "Hang on a second." (pause
a few seconds, and then say in a really husky voice)
"Okay, what are you wearing?"
Crying out, in well-simulated tones of pleasure and
surprise, "Judy!! Is this really you? I can't
believe it! Judy, how have you been?" Hopefully, this will give Judy a few
brief moments of terror as she tries to figure out
how the heck she could know you.
Say, "No," over and over. Be sure to vary
the sound of each no, and keep an even tempo even as
they're trying to speak. This is the most fun if you
can keep going until they hang up.
If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up with their
Family and Friends plan, reply, in as sinister a voice
as you can muster, "I don't have any friends...would
you be my friend?"
If they clean rugs: "Can you get blood out? You
can? Well, how about goat blood? Chicken blood? Human
Let the person go through their spiel, providing minimal
but necessary feedback in the form of an occasional
"Uh-huh, really," or, "That's fascinating."
Finally, when they ask you to buy, ask them to marry
you. They get all flustered, but just tell them you
couldn't give your credit card number to someone who's
a complete stranger.
them you work for the same company they work for.
Telemarketer: "This is Bill from Watertronics."
Hey I work for them too. Where are you calling
from?" Telemarketer: "Uh, Dallas, Texas."
You: "Great, they have a group there too? How's business/the
weather? Too bad the company has a policy against selling
to employees! Oh well, see ya."
the Telemarketer you are busy and if they will give you their
phone number you will call them back. If they say they are
not allowed to give out their number, then ask them for their
home number and tell them you will call them at home (this
is usually the most effective method of getting rid of Telemarketers).
If the person says, "Well, I don't really want to get
a call at home," say, "Ya! Now you know how I feel." (smiling, of course...)