How To Keep
Your Mental Health
in your parked car wearing your sunglasses and point a hair
dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.
time someone asks you to do something, ask, "Do you
want fries with that?"
your garbage can on your desk and label it "In."
decaf in the coffee maker for three weeks. Once everyone
is over their caffeine addiction, switch to espresso.
the memo field of all your checks, write "For sexual
all your sentences with, "in accordance with prophecy."
use any punctuation
often as possible, skip rather than walk.
people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.
that your drive-through order is "to go."
along at the opera.
to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.
mosquito netting around your cubicle and play tropical sounds
days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their
party because you're not in the mood.
co-workers call you by your wrestling name: "Rock Hard."
your money comes out of the ATM, scream, "I won! I won!"
leaving the zoo, start running towards the lot, yelling,
"Run for your lives, they're loose!!"
your children over dinner, "Due to the economy, we are
going to have to let one of you go."