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He Said, She Said.

He said

Want a quickie?

She said

As opposed to what?

   

He said

I don’t know why you wear a bra; there's nothing in it.

She said

You wear briefs, don’t you?

   

He said

Do you love me just because my father left me a fortune?

She said

Not at all honey. I'd love you no matter who left you the money.

   

He said

This coffee isn’t fit for a pig!

She said

Sorry. Let me get you some that is.

   

She said

What do you mean by coming home half drunk?

He said

It’s not my fault. I ran out of money.

   

He said

Since I first laid eyes on you, I’ve wanted to make love to you in the worst way possible.

She said

You succeeded!

   

Priest

I don’t think you will ever find another man like your late husband.

She said

Who’s gonna look?

   

He said

With your flat chest and unshaven legs, have you ever been mistaken for a man?

She said

No. Have you?

   

He said

Why do you women try to impress us with your looks instead of your brains?

She said

Because there is a much bigger chance that a man is a moron than he is blind!

   

He said

What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?

She said

Turn sideways and look in the mirror!

   

He said

Let’s go out and have some fun tonight.

She said

Okay, but if you get home before I do, leave the light on.

   

He said

Two inches more and I'd be king!

She said

Two inches less and you'd be queen!

   

She said

Seen on ladies room wall: "My husband follows me everywhere."

He said

Written just below it: "I do not."

   

He said

Shall we try switching positions tonight?

She said

Good idea! You stand by the ironing board while I sit in front of the TV and fart.

   

He said

Let's go out and have some fun tonight.

She said

Okay, but if you get home before I do, leave the hallway light on.

   

He said

Why don’t you tell me when you have an orgasm?

She said

I would, but you’re never there!