Back to Al's Text Humor Page

Fun With UNIX

If you type these in from the csh (c shell): in Unix you really do get these responses:

make love
Make: Don't know how to make love. Stop.

% got a light?
No match.

% sleep with me
bad character

% man: Why did you get a divorce?
man: Too many arguments.

% make 'heads or tails of all this'
Make: Don't know how to make heads or tails of all this. Stop.

% make sense
Make: Don't know how to make sense. Stop.

% make mistake
Make: Don't know how to make mistake. Stop.

% make bottle.open
Make: Don't know how to make bottle.open. Stop.

% \(-
(-: Command not found.

% make light
Make: Don't know how to make light. Stop.

% date me
You are not superuser: date not set Thu Aug 25 15:52:30 PDT 1988

% man rear
No manual entry for rear.

% If I had a ) for every dollar Congress spent, what would I have?
Too many )'s.

% * How would you describe Clinton
*: Ambiguous.

% %Vice-President
%Vice-President: No such job.

% ls Clinton-Ethics
Clinton-Ethics not found

% "How would you rate Bush's senility?
Unmatched ".

% [Where is Jimmy Hoffa?
Missing ]. |

% ^How did the^sex change operation go?
Modifier failed.

% who is my match?
No match.

% set i="Democratic_Platform";mkdir $i;chmod 000 $i;ls $i
Democratic_Platform unreadable

% awk "Polly, the ship is sinking"
awk: syntax error near line 1
awk: bailing out near line

% 'thou shalt not commit adultery'
thou shalt not commit adultery: Command not found.