Dear [insert screen name here]
I regret to inform you that, under a plan
for the periodic removal of unpleasantness from my life, I must
terminate our online affair. This termination takes effect
immediately, but only because I could not make it retroactive.
Below, you will find the reasons for this action:
_____ While our cybersex sessions were, for the most part, competent,
your constant use of brb gotta pee took out some of
_____ You hurt my feelings when you referred to me as the
ol cyber ball and chain.
_____ Ive found another lover; one who, unlike you, knows
the importance of good
_____ Certain errors during cyber sessions indicate that you
were less than honest:
_____ You typed: I remove my bra
when you were supposed to be a man.
_____ You typed: I enter you
when you were supposed to be a woman.
_____ You typed your own name at the end.
_____ Your supposedly original scenario,
it turns out, is simply page 56 of a Jackie Collins novel.
_____ Your repeated references to animals
suggest that you are hiding something from me.
_____ Your refusal to cyber until I submitted
a recent AIDS test suggests a degree of paranoia that is, simply
_____ I finally opened the file with your