Actual(?) Landlord Messages
Messages allegedly left on landlord's answering machine.
50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster, and 50% are plain filthy.
And their 18-year-old son is continually banging his balls against my fence.
He's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can't take it anymore.
I am a single woman living in a downstairs apartment. Would you please do something about the noise made by the man on top of me every night.
I am still having problems with smoke in my new drawers.
I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall.
I have had the maintenance man six times but I still have no satisfaction.
I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.
I want some repairs done to my oven as it has burnt my knob off.
I want to complain about the farmer across the road. Every morning at 6 AM his cock wakes me up and it's now getting too much for me.
I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.
I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was bad wind the other night that blew them off.
It's the dog's mess that I find hard to swallow.
My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has fungus growing in it.
My toilet seat is cracked; where do I stand?
Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third so please send someone to do something about it.
Our toilet seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces.
Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job he started to satisfy my wife.
The man next door has a large erection in the back garden which is unsightly and dangerous.
The toilet is blocked and we cannot bathe the children until it is cleared.
Will you please send a man to look at my water? It is a funny color and not fit to drink.
Will you please send someone to fix the sidewalk? My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant.