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Actual (?) Headlines

Enfields Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide

Lansing Residents Can Drop Off Trees

Sex Education Delayed, Teachers Request Training

Stolen Painting Found by Tree

Bank Drive-in Window Blocked by Board

Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in 10 Years

Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted

Steals Clock, Faces Time

War Dims Hope for Peace

Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft

Farmer Bill Dies in House

Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told

Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim

Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

Arson Suspect is Held in Massachusetts Fire

Eye Drops off Shelf

Man Minus Ear Waives Hearing

Soviet Virgin Lands Short of Goal Again

Stud Tires Out

Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures

Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?

New Vaccine May Contain Rabies

Reagan Wins on Budget, But More Lies Ahead

Chef Throws His Heart into Helping Feed Needy

Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with Ax

New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group

Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers

Two Sisters Reunited after 18 Years in Checkout Counter

Ban On Soliciting Dead in Trotwood

Drunken Drivers Paid $1000 in ‘84

Lung Cancer in Women Mushrooms

Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over

Survivor of Siamese Twins Joins Parents

Air Head Fired

Deer Kill 17,000

Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant

Old School Pillars are Replaced by Alumni

Some Pieces of Rock Hudson Sold at Auction

Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case

Iraqi Head Seeks Arms

Miners Refuse to Work after Death

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge

Two Soviet Ships Collide, One Dies

Deaf College Opens Doors to Hearing

Include your Children When Baking Cookies

Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge

Prostitutes Appeal to Pope

Teacher Strikes Idle Kids

British Union Finds Dwarfs in Short Supply

If Strike isn’t Settled Quickly, It May Last a While

Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half

Prosecutor Releases Probe into Undersheriff

Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says

4-H Girls Win Prizes for Fat Calves

British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands

Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors

Kids Make Nutritious Snacks

Never Withhold Herpes Infection from Loved One

Shot Off Woman’s Leg Helps Nicklaus to 66

Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter

Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says

Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers

Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over

Miners Refuse to Work after Death

Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant

War Dims Hope for Peace

If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile

Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures

Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges

Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge

New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group

Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft

Kids Make Nutritious Snacks

Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half

Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors

Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead


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From You've Got Laughs! Al Lowe's Book of Internet Humor
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© 1998 - 2010 by Al Lowe • All Rights Reserved • Updated September 20, 2012