Actual (?) Headlines
Enfields Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
Lansing Residents Can Drop Off Trees
Sex Education Delayed, Teachers Request Training
Stolen Painting Found by Tree
Bank Drive-in Window Blocked by Board
Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in 10 Years
Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted
Steals Clock, Faces Time
War Dims Hope for Peace
Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
Farmer Bill Dies in House
Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told
Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
Arson Suspect is Held in Massachusetts Fire
Eye Drops off Shelf
Man Minus Ear Waives Hearing
Soviet Virgin Lands Short of Goal Again
Stud Tires Out
Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?
New Vaccine May Contain Rabies
Reagan Wins on Budget, But More Lies Ahead
Chef Throws His Heart into Helping Feed Needy
Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with Ax
New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
Two Sisters Reunited after 18 Years in Checkout Counter
Ban On Soliciting Dead in Trotwood
Drunken Drivers Paid $1000 in ‘84
Lung Cancer in Women Mushrooms
Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
Survivor of Siamese Twins Joins Parents
Air Head Fired
Deer Kill 17,000
Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
Old School Pillars are Replaced by Alumni
Some Pieces of Rock Hudson Sold at Auction
Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case
Iraqi Head Seeks Arms
Miners Refuse to Work after Death
Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge
Two Soviet Ships Collide, One Dies
Deaf College Opens Doors to Hearing
Include your Children When Baking Cookies
Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge
Prostitutes Appeal to Pope
Teacher Strikes Idle Kids
British Union Finds Dwarfs in Short Supply
If Strike isn’t Settled Quickly, It May Last a While
Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
Prosecutor Releases Probe into Undersheriff
Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
4-H Girls Win Prizes for Fat Calves
British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands
Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
Never Withhold Herpes Infection from Loved One
Shot Off Woman’s Leg Helps Nicklaus to 66
Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter
Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
Miners Refuse to Work after Death
Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
War Dims Hope for Peace
If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge
New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
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