Actual Courtroom Testimony
Actual things that actual people actually said
in actual courtrooms, presented here word for word. Maybe.
1. Q: What
is your date of birth?
A: July fifteenth.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.
2. Q: What gear were you in at
the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
3. Q: This myasthenia gravis,
does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your
memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget. Can you give us an example
of something that youve forgotten?
4. Q: How old is your son, the
one living with you.
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five,
I cant remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.
5. Q: What was the first thing
your husband said to you when he woke that morning?
A: He said, Where am
I, Cathy?
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.
6. Q: And where was the location
of the accident?
A: Approximately milepost
499.
Q: And where is milepost 499?
A: Probably between milepost 498 and
500.
7. Q: Sir, what is your IQ?
A: Well, I can see pretty
well, I think.
8. Q: Did you blow your horn
or anything?
A: After the accident?
Q: Before the accident.
A: Sure, I played for ten years. I even
went to school for it.
9. Q: Do you know if your daughter
has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult?
A: We both do.
Q: Voodoo?
A: We do.
Q: You do? A: Yes,
voodoo.
10. Q: Trooper, when you stopped the
defendant, were your red and blue lights flashing?
A: Yes.
Q: Did the defendant say anything when
she got out of her car?
A: Yes, sir.
Q: What did she say?
A: What disco am I at?
11. Q: Now doctor, isnt it true
that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesnt know about
it until the next morning?
12. Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year
old, how old is he?
13. Q: Was it you or your younger brother
who was killed in the war?
14. Q: How far apart were the vehicles
at the time of the collision?
15. Q: You were there until the time
you left, is that true?
16. Q: So the date of conception (of
the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?
17. Q: You say the stairs went down
to the basement?
A: Yes.
Q: And these stairs, did they go up
also?
18. Q: Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather
elaborate honeymoon, didnt you?
A: I went to Europe, Sir.
Q: And you took your new wife?
19. Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height
and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?
20. Q: Is your appearance here this
morning pursuant to a deposition notice that I sent to your
attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress
when I go to work.
21. Q: Do you recall the time that
you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around
8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the
time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering
why I was doing an autopsy.
22. Q: Doctor, before you performed
the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the
patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on
my desk in a jar!
Q: But could the patient have still
been alive nevertheless?
A: It is possible that he could have
been alive and practicing law somewhere.
23. Q: Was that the same nose you broke
as a child?
24. Q: What happened then?
A: He told me, he says, "I
have to kill you because you can identify me."
A: Did he kill you?
25. Q: Were you alone or by yourself?
26. Q: How long have you been a French
Canadian?
27. Q: Do you have any children or
anything of that kind?
29. Q: I show you Exhibit 3 and ask
you if you recognize that picture.
A: That's me.
Q: Were you present when that picture
was taken?
29. Q: Were you present in court this
morning when you were sworn in?
30. Q: Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your
first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
31. Q: Do you know how far pregnant
you are now?
A: I'll be three months on
Nov. 8.
Q: Apparently, then the date of conception
was Aug. 8?
A: Yes.
Q: What were you doing at that time?
32. Q: So you were gone until you returned?
33. Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there girls?
34. Q: You don't know what it was,
and you didn't know what it looked like, but can you describe
it?
35. Q: Have you lived in this town
all your life?
A: Not yet.
36. Q: Do you recall approximately
the time that you examined the body of Mr. Edington at the Rose
Chapel?
A: It was in the evening.
The autopsy started at about 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Edington was dead at the
time, is that correct?
37. Q. Did you ever stay all night with this man in New York?
A: I refuse to answer that
question.
Q: Did you ever stay all night with
this man in Chicago?
A: I refuse to answer that question.
Q: Did you ever stay all night with
this man in Miami?
A: No.
38. Q: Doctor, did you say he was shot
in the woods?
A: No, I said he was shot
in the lumbar region.
39. Q: What is your name?
A: Ernestine McDowell.
Q: And what is your marital status?
A: Fair.
Q: Are you married?
A: No, I'm divorced.
Q: And what did your husband do before
you divorced him?
A: A lot of things I didn't know about.
Q: And who is this person you are speaking
of?
A: My ex-widow said it.
40. Q: How did you happen to go to
Dr. Cherney?
A: Well, a gal down the road
had had several of her children by Dr. Cherney, and said he
was really good.
41. Q: Mrs. Smith, do you believe that
you are emotionally unstable?
A: I should be.
Q: How many times have you committed
suicide?
A: Four times.
42. Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have
you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies have been
performed on dead people.
Q: Were you acquainted with the deceased?
A: Yes, sir.
Q: Before or after he died?
43. Q: Officer, what led you to believe
the defendant was under the influence?
44. A: Because he was argumentary and
he couldn't pronunciate his words.
Q: What happened then?
A: He told me, he says, "I have
to kill you because you can identify me." Q:
Did he kill you?
A: No.
45. Q: Mrs. Jones, is your appearance
this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to
your attorney?
A: No. This is how I dress
when I go to work.
46. Q: Did he pick the dog up by the
ears?
A: No.
Q: What was he doing with the dog's
ears?
A: Picking them up in the air.
Q: Where was the dog at this time?
A: Attached to the ears.
47. Q: When he went, had you gone and
had she, if she wanted to and were able, for the time being
excluding all the restraints on her not to go, gone also, would
he have brought you, meaning you and she, with him to the station?
Q: Objection. That question
should be taken out and shot.
48. Q: And lastly, Gary, all your responses
must be oral, okay? What school do you go to?
A: Oral.
Q: How old are you?
A: Oral.
49. Q: What is your relationship with
the plaintiff?
A: She is my daughter.
Q: Was she your daughter on February
13, 1979?
50. Q: Now, you have investigated other
murders, have you not, where there was a victim?
51. Q: ...and what did he do then?
A: He came home, and next
morning he was dead.
Q: So when he woke up the next morning
he was dead?
52. Q: Did you tell your lawyer that
your husband had offered you indignities?
A: He didn't offer me nothing; he just
said I could have the furniture.
53. Q: So, after the anesthesia, when
you came out of it, what did you observe with respect to your
scalp?
A: I didn't see my scalp the
whole time I was in the hospital.
Q: It was covered?
A: Yes, bandaged.
Q: Then, later on.. what did you see?
A: I had a skin graft. My whole buttocks
and leg were removed and put on top of my head.
54. Q: Could you see him from where
you were standing?
A: I could see his head.
Q: And where was his head?
A: Just above his shoulders.
55. Q: What can you tell us about he
truthfulness and veracity of this defendant?
A: Oh, she will tell the truth.
She said she'd kill that son of a bitchand she did!
56. Q: Do you drink when you're on
duty?
A: I don't drink when I'm
on duty, unless I come on duty drunk.
57. Q: ...any suggestions as to what
prevented this from being a murder trial instead of an attempted
murder trial?
A: The victim lived.
58. Q: Are you sexually active?
A: No, I just lie there.
59. Q: Are you qualified to give a
urine sample?
A: Yes, I have been since
early childhood.
60. Q: The truth of the matter is that
you were not an unbiased, objective witness, isn't it. You too
were shot in the fracas?
A: No, sir. I was shot midway
between the fracas and the naval.
61. Q: What is the meaning of sperm
being present?
A: It indicates intercourse.
Q: Male sperm?
A: That is the only kind I know.
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