Actual (?) Commentator Quotes
Michael Buerk watching Phillipa Forrester
cuddle up to a male astronomer for warmth during BBC1's UK
eclipse coverage remarked: "They seem cold out there.
They're rubbing each other and he's only come in his shorts."
Ken Brown commentating on golfer Nick Faldo
and his caddie, Fanny Sunneson, lining-up shots at the Scottish
Open: "Some weeks Nick likes to use Fanny; other weeks
he prefers to do it by himself."
Mike Hallett discussing missed snooker
shots on Sky Sports: "Stephen Hendry jumps on Steve
Davis's misses every chance he gets."
Jack Burnicle was talking about Colin Edwards'
choice of tires on World Superbike racing: "Colin had
a hard on in practice earlier and I bet he wished he had
a hard on now."
Chris Tarrant discussing the first "Millionaire"
winner, Judith Keppel, on This Morning: "She was practicing
fastest finger first by herself in bed last night."
Winning Post's Stewart Machin commentating
on jockey Tony McCoy's formidable lead: "Tony has a
quick look between his legs and likes what he sees."
Ross King discussing relays with champion
runner Phil Redmond: "Well, Phil, tell us about your
amazing third leg."
Cricketer Neil Fairbrother hit a single
during a Durham versus Lancashire match, inspiring Bobby
Simpson to observe: "With his lovely soft hands, he
just tossed it off."
Clair Frisby talking about a jumbo hot
dog on Look North said: "There's nothing like a big
hot sausage inside you on a cold night like this."
James Allen interviewing Ralf Schumacher
at a Grand Prix, asked: "What does it feel like being
rammed up the backside by Barrichello?"
Steve Ryder covering the US Masters: "Ballesteros
felt much better today after a 69."
A new grandstand at Doncaster race course
took Brough Scott's breath away: "My word! Look at that
magnificent erection!"
Willie Carson was telling Claire Balding
how jockeys prepare for a big race: "They usually have
four or five dreams a night about coming from different positions."
Carenza Lewis, discussing how people found
food during the Middle Ages on Time Team Live, said: "You'd
eat beaver, if you could get it."
U.S. PGA Commentator: "One of the
reasons Arnie [Arnold Palmer] is playing so well is that,
before each tee shot, his wife takes out his balls and kisses
them... Oh, my God! What have I said?!"
Metro Radio: "Julian Dicks is everywhere.
It's like they've got eleven Dicks on the field."
Harry Carpenter at the Oxford - Cambridge
boat race in 1977: "Ah, isn't that nice. The wife of
the Cambridge President is kissing the Cox of the Oxford
crew."
Ted Walsh, Horse Racing Commentator: "This
is really a lovely horse. I once rode her mother."
New Zealand Rugby Commentator: "Andrew
Mehrtens loves it when Daryl Gibson comes inside of him."
Pat Glenn, Weightlifting commentator: "And
this is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning
and it was amazing!"