“Awesome shredder”

“He’s got chops but his playing has no soul”

“Soul guitarist”

“No chops”

“Classical guitarist”

“He’ll never get laid”

“Blues player who respects and admires Stevie Ray Vaughn”

“What a rip-off! Another Stevie wannabe.”

“Stevie Ray Vaughn”

“What a rip-off! Another Freddie King wannabe.”

“Tone like Eric Johnson”

“What a rip-off! Another Eric Johnson clone.”

“Sounds like John Mayer”

“What a douchebag.”

“His CD is selling well”

“He’s a sell-out!”

“He’s getting airplay”

“Nobody listens to that crap!”

“Like Eric Clapton”

“Another white guy who wishes he was black”

“Singer/songwriter who can’t burn”

“She sucks.”

“Has an incredible rig”

“Money can’t buy him tone”

“ MIDI guitarist”

“Cheat”

“Digital modeling guitar or amp”

“His tone sucks.”

“Solid-state amp”

“His tone sucks.”

“Has YouTube videos”

“His tone sucks.”

“Punk band guitarist”

“He can’t play.”

“Bar band player playing covers”

“Unoriginal”

“Bar band player playing originals”

“Self-indulgent”

“Has big-brand endorsements”

“Endorsement whore!”

“Has small-brand endorsements”

“What a douche”

“Uses .009 strings or less”

“What a wuss”

“Uses .011 strings or more”

“Yeah; right.”

“Male guitarist you’ve never heard before”

“Not my thing, but he’s okay.”

“Female guitarist you’ve never heard before”

“She sucks.”