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A Comparison Of Early 21st Century Religious Theory
| Catholicism |
He who denies himself the most toys wins. |
| Anglican |
They were our toys first. |
| Greek Orthodox |
No, they were OURS first. |
| Polytheism |
There are many toy makers. |
| Evolutionism |
The toys made themselves. |
| Baptist |
Once played, always played. |
| Church of Christ Scientist |
We are the toys. |
| Communism |
Everyone gets the same number of toys and you go straight to hell if we catch you selling yours. |
| Baha’i |
All toys are just fine with us. |
| Amish |
Toys with batteries are surely a sin. |
| Taoism |
The doll is as important as the dump truck. |
| Hedonism |
To heck with the rulebook. Let’s play! |
| Hinduism |
He who plays with bags of plastic farm animals loses. |
| 7th Day Adventist |
He who plays with his toys on Saturday loses. |
| Church of Christ |
He whose toys make music loses. |
| Calvinist |
Once played, always played. |
| Jehovah’s Witnesses |
He who sells the most toys door-to-door wins. |
| Pentecostalism |
He whose toys can talk wins. |
| Existentialism |
Toys are a figment of your imagination. |
| Confucianism |
Once a toy is dipped in the water it is no longer dry. |
| Non-denominationalism |
We don’t care where the toys came from, let’s just play with them. |
| Atheism |
There is no toy maker. |
| Agnosticism |
It is not possible to know whether toys make a bit of difference. |
| Branch Davidians |
He who dies playing with the biggest toys wins. |
| Mormonism |
Every boy can have as many toys as he wants. |
| Voodoo |
Let me borrow that doll for a second. |
| Apathy |
Toys? Why do I need toys? |
| Judaism |
I’m selling toys. You buying? |
| Church of Scientology |
Toys ‘R’ Us. |
| Pantheism | The universe is one great big toy. |
| Capitalism | He who dies with the most toys wins. |
| Hare Krishna | He who plays with the most toys wins. |