Editor’s Note: Welcome to the first of our industry, um, information columns. ScandAlice will be providing us with regular updates from the world of electronic entertainment: the sorts of things you won’t read about in the normal news pages. Enjoy, and remember, we don’t vouch for any of this stuff, so take it for what it is: juicy rumors fed by inside sources. So, Al Lowe is now on the dole queue. Thanks to Sierra On-Line, our planet is suddenly a far more tasteful place. Stripped of Mr. Lowe’s adolescent humor and lewd innuendo, the shelves at Electronics Boutique will finally have welcome room for another socially acceptable blood-soaked shooter or desensitizing wargame. Thank you, thank you, Sierra, for saving our children from further corruption by Leisure Suit Larry! As everyone knows, human beings are irrevocably ruined once exposed to toilet references and willie jokes, and adventure games are a tool of Satan Himself. Personally, I’ve been thinking of giving up laughter altogether. It’s overrated.
Oh, and if you feel a slight breeze wafting through the window of your tasteful Sierra-presidential office, Mr. Grenewetski, that would be me--waving my buttocks in your general direction as I jeer. The Oakhurst Syndrome "I personally think that this division was lost to a handful of people at the local management level who made a tremendous amount of bad decisions which eventually caused the shutdown," he said. "Ever since they came up with the idea of dropping adventure games and solely concentrated on making a ‘number one game’, the company has been sliding into the abyss. I've worked very hard alongside literally hundreds of other employees to create games we could be proud of, only to have them shut down or sent out too early to meet some predefined agenda. "In all their greed to make money, they seem to have lost the desire to make games fun. Isn't that what they were meant to be?" A good point, although today's definition of "fun" seems more equated with "bloody". By that reckoning, Sierra's recent actions may even be somewhat predictable—merely the latest product of an ongoing Adventure Inquisition. Space Quest was long ago struck from the roster, the Quest for Glory expansion pack has been cancelled, rumour has it that Gabriel Knight III will be the last of its kind, and King’s Quest: Mask of Eternity can be classified as an adventure game in much the same way that I can be considered a hedgehog. But, why? Why this sudden renunciation of the genre which practically made Sierra a household name? One inside theory cites the higher profit margin of action and strategy games, and a second claims that many current Sierra executives are unfamiliar with non-action titles, but the most popular notion holds that adventure gaming is simply a victim of "feature trendiness"—or, rather, the lack thereof. As one still-employed Sierra-ite succinctly explains, "Online is where it’s at. If you can’t run it over WON, it’s not a game around here these days. Management is only horny for multiplayer." How I pity their wives. Perhaps a trip to the clinic might be advisable—it’s amazing what can be done with electrotherapy.
Ultima(te) Online Capitalism As everyone knows, Ultima Online is a title which is still in general production, and can be purchased for around $50 at any reputable software outlet. In addition, an obvious warning on every Ultima box decrees, in ominous capital letters, "NOT FOR RESALE BY A PRIOR OWNER." Yet, in open defiance of both the user license agreement and the inalienable laws of common sense, people are bidding enormous amounts of money for a single used copy of the game. At last glance, the high bidder was offering $418. (No, my dear friends, I am not forgetting a decimal point.) Once again, I am forced to ask, Why? Why in the name of all that is digital would somebody choose to spend three digits of their hard-earned lolly for something they could get on the cheap at EB or direct from Origin? Is this coveted item perhaps a designer version of UOL, plated in silver and blessed by Lord British himself in a midnight ritual to which no mortal has been privy? No, it is merely a CD like any other, except for one notable fact of virtual economics: the seller has been playing for over a year and has accumulated 500,000 units of in-game money. I chatted up one of the bidders. As it happens, he is already a veteran player of Ultima Online, with his own set of established characters. His sole purpose for pursuing the auctioned account is to transfer the seller’s online bankroll to his own simulated pocket and replace his "guild’s" meeting cottage with an elaborate castle. And, for this privilege, he is willing to pay in real-world cash. Based on these figures, I have worked out an exchange rate of 0.08 American cents to every Britannian gold piece--talk about devalued currency! Fortunately, they don’t have much of a trade deficit. A common sense deficit, maybe, but the only people likely to go bankrupt from that are the nutters who’ll pay $400 for a computer game. And on that note, I’m off to hunt some orcs.
The Crystal Ball If you have a sly bit of news you’d like to share, send it to ScandAlice@hotmail.com. Rumors are welcome, rants are encouraged, and anonymity is always guaranteed. Ta for now! |
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