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Customer
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Hi, how much is your paint?
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Clerk
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Well, sir, that all depends.
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Customer
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Depends on what?
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Clerk
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Well, actually a lot of things.
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Customer
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How about just giving me an average price?
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Clerk
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Wow, that’s just too hard a question. The lowest price
is $9 a gallon, and we have 150 prices up to about
$200 a gallon.
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Customer
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What’s the difference in the paint?
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Clerk
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Oh, there isn’t any difference; it’s all the same paint.
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Customer
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Well then, I’d like some of that $9 paint.
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Clerk
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Well, first I need to ask you a few questions. When
do you intend to use it?
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Customer
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I want to paint tomorrow on my day off.
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Clerk
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Sir, the paint for tomorrow is the $200 paint.
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Customer
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What? When would I have to paint in order to get the
$9 version?
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Clerk
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That would be in three weeks, but you will also have
to agree to start painting before Friday of that week
and continue painting until at least Sunday.
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Customer
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You’ve got to be kidding!
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Clerk
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Sir, we don’t kid around here. Of course, I’ll have
to check to see if we have any of that paint available
before I can sell it to you.
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Customer
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What do you mean check to see if you can sell it to
me? You have shelves full of the stuff; I can see it
right there.
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Clerk
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Just because you can see it doesn’t mean that we have
it. It may be the same paint, but we only sell a certain
number of gallons on any given weekend. Oh, and by
the way, the price just went to $12.
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Customer
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What! You mean the price just went up while we were
talking!
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Clerk
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Yes sir. You see, we change prices and rules thousands
of times a day, and since you haven’t actually walked
out the store with your paint yet, we just decided
to change. Unless you want the same thing to happen
again, I would suggest that you get on with your purchase.
How many gallons do you want?
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Customer
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I don’t know exactly. Maybe five gallons. Maybe I should
buy six gallons just to make sure I have enough.
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Clerk
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Oh no, sir, you can’t do that. If you buy the paint
and then don’t use it, you will be liable for penalties
and possible confiscation of the paint you already
have.
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Customer
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What?
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Clerk
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That’s right. We can sell you enough paint to do your
kitchen, bathroom, hall, and north bedroom, but if
you stop painting before you do the bedroom, you will
be in violation of our tariffs.
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Customer
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But what does it matter to you whether I use all the
paint? I already paid you for it!
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Clerk
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Sir, there’s no point in getting upset; that’s just
the way it is. We make plans based upon the idea that
you will use all the paint, and when you don’t, it
just causes us all sorts of problems.
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Customer
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This is crazy! I suppose something terrible will happen
if I don’t keep painting until after Saturday night!
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Clerk
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Yes, sir, it will.
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Customer
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Well, that does it! I’m going somewhere else to buy
my paint.
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Clerk
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That won’t do you any good, sir. We all have the same
rules. Oh, and thanks for flying – I mean painting
– with our airline.
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